Loss Fragment

CHAPTER 17: The Flash Back

Ella POV

I've been standing in front of the full length mirror in the closet for almost half an hour now. Short bob black hair, brown skin small size woman in a loose white man's dress shirt staring back at me. The shirt is a little too big to be mine. But, it is made of soft and very comfortable material and it has a very nice smell to it.

It's not mine. I just know it. Was it Damon's?

If I love him so much and if he loved me, why didn't it work? Why did he leave me? Was it my fault that he left? Was there another woman?

I look at my reflection in the mirror again. I'd say I'm just an ordinary woman. There's nothing special about me.

And, I remember how Damon's look from the pictures I have of him on my phone. Maybe that's why he left?

Maybe he realized I wasn't worth it and he found a much prettier woman. Maybe he fell in love with somebody else. There are so many possibilities.

Everytime I think of this Damon guy, it saddens me. I want to remember what it was like when I was with him. He obviously was very important in the life of the old Ella. She wrote a lot about him in her diary. About what she felt for him.

How was it possible that I remember how to cook complicated meals but I can't remember the man whom I supposedly fall madly in love with?

Staring back at the woman in the white man's dress shirt, she makes me sad. Here she is, wearing a man's dress shirt because that's all she was worth. That's all she has. His shirt.

Looking down at myself. I feel strongly for the person who owns this shirt. I just know. I can feel him.

I trace my fingers down along the center of the shirt. Then I crossed my arms and hugged myself. I close my eyes. And, imagine I was hugging him. Feeling him. Then, I take a deep breath and try to smell him.

I feel him close. But, at the same time I can feel him very distant. Then, I fell on the ground and burst into tears.

I opened my eyes and there I was walking in no particular directions. He was walking next to me.

Damon.

The man from my phone. But then I saw him across the street. Then, I turned around and I still saw him. He was everywhere. In everything and everyone I saw. He made me smile and at the same time, it broke me.

Then I saw Max. He was walking while talking on his phone. He didn't see there was a van coming fast his way. And, I saw Damon looking straight at me. And, I walked toward him and pushed Max off the street. I remember how sad Damon looked when I landed on the grown.

I opened my eyes. And, found myself still on the floor in the closet. So, it was just a bad dream.

No. It wasn't a dream. It was a flashback to what exactly happened before the accident.

I blink a few times, trying to blink away the tears in my eyes.

I remember now.

I remember I was walking around town. I remember feeling so lost. I remember having an emotional breakdown. I remember missing him so much that it hurts. I remember feeling worthless. I remember feeling like I had no place to go and no one to return to. I remember feeling so alone. I remember feeling nothing and at the same time feeling too much.

I close my eyes and hope that it will all go away.

This is too much.

I open my eyes and tears rolling down my cheeks. I stare at the ceiling and wonder, was it how I felt before the accident?

No wonder I pushed Max off the street. I knew what was coming. I just wanted it all to stop.

It hurts too much. Knowing the truth such so much.

Max POV

So, Ella has been ignoring me since that night. She ignored all my texts and calls. And, she even skipped dinner last night, according to Mrs Joan.

Maybe I was being an arse. I need to talk to her and apologize. Even though what I did wasn't wrong.

I just need her to stop ignoring me.

So, after breakfast I decided to go to her room. I knocked but no answer. I waited for a bit before I knocked again.

Still nothing.

"Ella, come on. Open the door. I know you are mad at me, but please, can we talk?"

Nothing.

I knocked again.

"Baby girl, come on. I'm sorry, okay."

Silence.

"Ella, if you don't open the door I'm going to open it with the spare keys."

Still, nothing.

That's it. I walked to one of the drawers in the living room and took the spare keys.

"Ella, I'm coming in okay." I said as I opened her room.

It's empty. She is not on her bed. I head to the bathroom. And, she is not here.

I walked to her closet.

That's when I see her curled up on the floor with tears stained smears on her cheeks.

My heart almost stopped looking at her in that state. Did I do this?

I kneel down next to her and gently shake her arm. "Ella.?"

She opens her eyes. And, look up at me.

"Hey, honey what's wrong?" I said as softly as I could. I don't want to hurt her.

She just stares blankly at me. She looks lost.

No.

I wrap my arms on her and carry her to her bed. I look down at her and she is still wearing the dress shirt she wore yesterday morning.

What happened?

I grab her face in my hands and look straight in her eyes. "Baby.. Talk to me please. What's wrong?"

And she just stares at me blankly. She looks so broken.

So, what I did next was purely on instinct. I get into the duvet and pull her close to me and wrap my arms around her.

Please, come back.

Whatever happened that made her like this, I hope it wasn't my doing.

I rub her back gently. And kiss her forehead. That's when I heard her small sobs. Okay, that's good. It's okay baby girl. It's okay to cry. Still keeping her close to me.

"I remember." She said quietly, on my chest.

I kiss the top of her head. Not saying anything. To be honest, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to expect.

So, she remembers?

Whatever it is that she remembers can't be good, to have her having a breakdown like this.

Was it Damon?

I keep rubbing her back and have my arms around her. I can feel her snuggle tighter to me. And then she moves her hands around my neck. With her face still on my chest. I can feel my shirt start to become wet from her teary eyes and wet nose.

"I don't know what's going on. And, I hope I could help to ease the pain. But whatever it was, I'm here okay. I got you." Then I kiss her forehead.

"I got you."

And, she burst into tears.