The End of Us

Poem 400 The End of Us

In this turmoil of emotion,
a paradox I confess,
I love hate you,
this certain guilt of my hatred,
so complex, yet I feel.

You're the catchy tune,
endlessly on repeat,
Echoing through my thoughts,
skipping no beat.

With every phone ring.
my pulse accelerating.
Subconsciously I know it's won't be you.anymore.
You're that forbidden drug, dangerously sweet,
A fleeting high, my heart's deceit.
You are the rollercoaster,
thrilling yet dire,
A descent into chaos,
my unquenched fire.
I tell myself
"it's not worth fighting for"
Why must it be him?
Why do I strongly hate but love at the same time?

He loved me
He did everything......
Yet it wasn't enough
Like A garden so tangled,
with roses that bite,
Their beauty numbs the pain,
blurring wrong and right.
I love hate you,
in the shadows of my heart,

You've caged it, then vanished, tearing it apart.
I feel mature,
But I think I am all the way in the beginning now.
Í don't know what love is
I don't know what hate is
This long lost feeling
I don't know what to do
Whether to
LOVE
Or
HATE

I long to release you, to let the memories fade,
Yet I clutch at the ghost of the love we made.
Yet I hold on to
this ghost of your touch
This ghost of your soul
This ghost of your voice
this ghost of YOU
That I am holding on to
How do I let go?
How do I let go for your own sake?
Why does this hatred of
mine feel like guilt?

I try to convince myself you're nothing but air,
Yet absence makes the
heart falter in despair.
I tell myself it doesn't hurt, I shouldn't care,
But without your touch, I'm gasping for air. 
Indeed your long gone ancient presence has suffocated me
Relentless without my space
You invaded my world
I have nothing left.
You took all my time away.

But why does it feel more suffocating
Without you?
Only a love
so fierce could slice so deep,
Must have been that kiss,
a leap so steep.

I profess indifference,
yet when you're near,
The defeated maria begging you to stay, but the egotistical maniac
Has won
This war
I have been fighting
since the moment I saw you
bound by my fear.
Don't stay......

Each departure cuts through the core,
A soul-deep ache that begs for more.

Only such love could torment so,
Only such love deals this heavy blow.
Your kiss, a fiery mark upon my skin,
It's burning into my skin.
A sweet agony, a torturous win.

Love, an exquisite pain,
sharp and precise,
I couldn't give you the love; the power to destroy me, I couldn't trust that you won't use this power.

Only this love
could exact such a price.
So here I stand, scarred but bold,
A wounded warrior, a wounds not healed
So yes like you said "You don't deserve my tears" I really don't
I am the villain of us
Within this love's cruel, tight hold.
A deadly kiss, a binding link,
Only love can hurt like this, more than we think. Destroy me & you
Too much hatred you have for me
And I have for you.
The Guilt of my Hatred.
        By : Maria .W