Rip - Trust (Completed)

Accepting Help

The phone call took place on Thursday morning.

The interview with the therapist was initially difficult for Mr Dutton. He was a man not used to talking about feelings so was intensely irritated when the woman in the beginning seemed to be more interested in his and not the boy's feelings.

Feelings he thought was something that only got in the way of things, something best be pushed to the side. He used to tell his children, the world does not stand still just because you have a feeling, which was something he learnt the hard way when his wife died 21 years ago.

He also disliked it when the therapist very clearly stated that she would defer to child protective services should she feel that Mr Dutton was refusing to cease to use corporal punishment or any other disciplinary measures that she regarded as harmful to the boy. He found himself feeling defensive even though he had already decided against it himself.

He did not challenge the woman however even though he rarely allowed anyone to set the agenda in a conversation in such a manner, but did so because he had promised his son to "be good" who had assured him that he was certain that his friend was able to help.

"I really don't want to talk about my feelings, I can assure you that I am fine. I need advice on how to manage him. The boy's behaviour was out of line. My son told me I could be honest with you, so I trust you when I tell you that I punished him too harshly, and I do realise that this caused things to get worse," he explained, irritated by therapist's line of questioning.

When the therapist asked him about the punishments Mr Dutton was honest with her, "I whipped and paddled him, several times and when that didn't work, I confined him to his room, that's when things really kicked off," he said.

He told her about the flashback, how the boy ran away and the state they had found him in at the old family home. How he now presented as no longer obstructive but listless and possibly depressed, and how this worried him just as much if not more.

The therapist managed to put Mr Dutton at ease and told him that she thought she could help him, and the two started to talk about Rip's behaviour on the day when he first punished him.

She took her time to explain that behind all behaviour is a feeling or a need that has to be met first, that he was to respond to that need rather than react to the behaviour.

"Why do you think he shouted at you like that when you asked him if he put the salt into your son's coffee, Mr Dutton?" she asked him.

"I don't know. He knew he was in trouble I suppose. I had already given him a warning, letting him know that I would spank him if he didn't do what he was told when I asked him to get the coffee. Robert also was screaming blue murder at him," Mr Dutton replied.

"So, he was scared of your son Robert, and you are saying he probably knew that he was going to get punished by you as well," the therapist reflected.

"Yes, I suppose so," Mr Dutton agreed.

"But he had not experienced being punished in your home yet, am I right?" the therapist asked.

"No, up to then he was actually rather well behaved, maybe even too much so," Mr Dutton told her.

"So, it would be fair enough to say that not knowing what to expect added to his fear?" the therapist asked.

"Yes. I would imagine so. I would reckon he expected a spanking, since I had warned him that they were par for the course in my house. But I don't think he knew what that meant. When I punished him, I realised he had been beaten before, but I don't think he was ever given a properly administered spanking," Mr Dutton said.