Alpha Female | COMPLETED

42| Selfish

This chapter is dedicated to @BardofStories for inspiring this chapter and a new ending. This one is similar to the last one but from Cecelia's PoV. It has much more, so I'd recommend you guys read it. It explains how Cecelia felt and dealt with her situation and how things turned around. Thank you so much for your support❤

-:Cecelia's PoV:-

It was hard. To adjust to a life without your wolf is not easy. 

Everyone has at least one person who can help you survive the loss of a close loved one. But nobody can tell you how to live with yourself when a piece of you dies irrevocably. And I was not talking figuratively.

I couldn't feel anything anymore other than forlornness and my thoughts turned negative and self-deprecating.

For a long time, I loathed myself. That feeling of being incomplete made me think I wasn't enough. Not for my family, not for my pack, not for . . . not for Ashton. I pushed them all away and I withdrew into a world of my own.

Being different is difficult. When you grow up being dissimilar to the others around you, you learn that the hard way.

The world is scared of 'different'.

'Comfort in familiarity,' is taken too literally.

I was bullied and isolated a lot. I had gotten over it, but I could never forget or recover from the emotional duress that had put me under.

I was still emotionally scarred.

So when losing my wolf made me the potential 'freak' of the pack again, I was terrified. I thought they'd send me away as they had done before. I thought they'd stop loving me, caring for me, and would want to get rid of me.

I was terrified of being cut off again.

So, I began cutting them off before they could do it to me.

I was surprised when none of them left me alone in the beginning. All my family would visit me from time to time. They'd bring me chocolates, comfort foods, and other gifts that I never bothered opening. They'd sit and talk to me about their day while I spaced out every time. I never had to ask. I was never asked. I thought it didn't bother them. I thought they just came there to empty their hearts out to a person who wouldn't blab.

I was so wrong because the visits became less and less frequent and one day they stopped completely.

The first four months were the worst. That was when I struggled the most with what I had become. 

A mere human. 

It was something I never thought I'd be. Something I'd always viewed as weak. I hated what I was. I hated what had become of me. I was insecure. 

Julian was my friend because he liked my spirit. I remembered him telling me that when we first met during training. Would he still want to be my friend after my spirit was broken? Ashton loved how I was independent and fierce. Now that I was neither, would he still want me or would he drop me as the rest of my family and Callie did?

It was a spiral. 

Multitudes and multitudes of negative thoughts crashed my head periodically. Each was darker than its predecessor. The nights were the most arduous. Despite Ashton staying with me, I could still not decompress completely. The nightmares wouldn't leave me. My insecurities were too dominant. Ashton's company was preferred over everyone else's, but I was too lost in my own head for it to help.

I had no idea what I did to deserve Ashton. Maybe I didn't deserve him and our bond was just a mistake. A beautiful mistake I would thank Selene for the rest of my life.