Foolishly Falling for You

26

Anita

Lance adjusts the salt shaker for the third time since we sat down, because everything must be just so. We sit on opposite ends of the table. I can't taste anything on my plate, but he is not similarly afflicted, of course.

"Is it not to your liking?" He asks me eventually, nodding at my plate.

I shrug, chasing a tomato with my fork. His eyes bore into me, his large arms on display, his chest exposed in his tight low cut shirt.

"Why are you doing this?" I whisper. "I've given up on you. How much pain do you intend to inflict on me?"

Lance's green eyes widen, dark like a forest, clouding over at my question. "I don't intend to hurt you."

He swallows whatever words are piling up on his tongue and sighs, looking away. I swallow roughly.

"I have to keep my dignity. I can't...I can't fall for you again. I can't let myself be hurt. I can't give you that power anymore."

Lance nods gently and sets his fork down. "If you cannot love me...will you let me love you? I think...I may burst."

I look down and try to ground myself. "There is nothing to love. I ruined your life. The spoiled princess—the duke's daughter who forced you to become a soldier."

Lance is quiet for a moment. His dark hair is mused, and his muscles twitch with his every movement. Why is he so gorgeous? I look away. I don't think I would've suffered as long if he were just a little uglier.

"I also..." I clench my jaw, hear it crack. The words I am about to say taste so bitter I worry I may actually vomit. "I cannot bear you a son. I can give you no heirs. So...I am of no use."

"...How do you know?" He whispers.

I scoff. "How do I know?"

"How do you know you cannot bear me a child?" He presses, those green eyes fixed on me. I close my eyes.

"I just know." I whisper back.

Lance says nothing. He's still. "I've never been a fan of children. If I happened to have one, then fine. But if not. That's fine too."

His father would kill him. Someone has to take his title—

"Do not worry of the title. My father has an illegitimate child it can go to. He is young. Young enough to be mine." He crosses his arms over his broad chest. I hate when he does that. "You needn't worry about things like that. I always have a plan don't I?"

I close my eyes, sink my nails into my thighs, and try to ground myself. Why now? Why when I was finally to let him go?

"And what if he's like you? And he doesn't want the title?"

"Then it dies with me. It's just a title. I never cared about it anyway, you know that." He says softly.

"It's your duty!"

"My duty is to you. And I have neglected you long enough. I intend to make you the happiest woman in the world."

I stand. "I want a divorce."

His eye twitches slightly, the corners of his lips turn down into a slight, barely there frown.

"...Will that make you the happiest woman in the world?" He says carefully.

I swallow roughly and nod. "It's a start."

Lance is silent again. It's his default, silent and brooding. He has a knight's physique, from training hard for years.

"Then...I'll have my lawyer draw up the paperwork. You'll need somewhere to live. Find a property you like."

I nod, and finally hunt down my tomato, and pop it in my mouth with a small smile.

Lance's eyes fasten to it, my small smile until I clear my throat and conceal it. He looks away.

"A beautiful smile. Such a beautiful smile you have." He smiles softly, somewhat ruefully.

He stands, without finishing his meal, mumbling halfheartedly that he has work to do, and cannot stay to finish his meal. I don't mind it, in fact, I enjoy my own meal with gusto. I am getting divorced!

I can already smell the fresh sunshine, the smell of grass and the morning dew, and the feeling of a wooden swing with a cushion under me, and a small blanket over my knees, as I take in the beautiful day, blessed and alone.

I smile, the tomatoes popping in my mouth full of bright flavor. I look across from me where Lance had been. I don't even have to get used to being alone. Now, I can enjoy it.

I stand and drift toward my room. I'll need to start packing my books.

"Ma'am?"

I turn around with a grin. And then it falls. He's here. A shiver darts down my spine but I force another smile.

"I didn't know you were here."

His eyes sweep over my form. "Now you do. Fix yourself up. We need to have a chat before your husband comes back."

"Oh...he's just upstairs,"

He takes his hat off and sets it down. "He left on an errand. Do you know nothing of what goes on in your own household?"

I swallow knives, scraping down my throat, leaving it raw and unable to produce sound. He narrows his critical eyes at me.

"Now I hear you intend to get a divorce," He proclaims, his watch face glinting in the soft light. "I am sure...that is utter nonsense, isn't it?"

I swallow and shake my head. "No...No, uh, Lance--"

"The admiral," He corrects me sternly, sitting down at the table, crossing his leg, his ankle shaking.

I blink and nod with a smile. "The Admiral has agreed to divorce me. He says he'll even give me some land, a house--"

"You don't need land. You have a house. You have a husband. I don't know what all this fuss is about, but you are the Duke's daughter. You represent the Castillo name. Castillo's do not divorce."

I clench my jaw and swallow. "I am a Mendoza now. And Mendoza's seem fine with it."

He chuckles lowly. "You're so clever."

He stands, dwarfing me, his large hand wrapping around my arm. "But cleverness will only get you harmed. Divorce is not an option."

I look down, and fist my hands, pulling away. "I am my own person I--"

He smiles and pulls away, stalking out of my house silently. He says no words. He doesn't have to. I can hear everything in those confident footsteps, all the unsaid words that tie my stomach up in knots even a sailor couldn't undo.

I am alone in my house once more. And this time, the fleeting happiness is gone, leaving nothing but a lingering smell of sunshine, edging away from me.

Getting further and further out of reach. And I am in the middle. Alone.

• • •

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