Rafe Cameron Imagines

Three little words

A few weeks ago, Rafe and I were on a date. It was so beautiful, he was so sweet. We'd been dating for 6 months, and so I thought it was time to drop the L bomb. 'I love you'.

He froze and after I saw that reaction my heart sunk as deep as I thought possible. He said he wasn't ready for that. I felt like a fool, here's a little screen play.

Rafe and I had been on his yacht and we were having the best time ever. It was still pulled up in the dock. We were laying down, my head on his chest, him playing with my hair. He kissed my forehead and the sound of our silence was so comforting, and I just said it.

I looked up at him, "I love you, Rafe."

His eyes froze and he didn't even look at me. His hand stopped moving in my hair. I shut my eyes cursing myself internally. I wanted to curl up into a fucking ball and cry.

"What?" He asked.

Too embarrassed to repeat it I just lay there shutting up.

"Are you kidding?" He asked.

I blinked so fast containing my tears as best as I could.

"No.." I whispered.

He sat up and so did I.

"I-" He started, "I'm not ready for that, Jude." He said.

I nodded tears biting at the corners of my eyes. "I'm sorry. I- I should go."

He didn't try to stop me, I just ran off the boat, crying pathetically.

It was stupid of me. I'd never said it first before. I shouldn't have.

I do love him so much, I wish I said it at the right time.

We didn't argue or anything, but it's solid and sure, we're broken up. If I see him he just smiles or nods in my direction. I wish I could just reverse what happened.

I can't stop imagining other ways it could've gone. I imagine he just smiled and said it back or if I didn't say anything at all. I feel like an idiot but I understand. You can't make someone love you now, can you? Not with all the kisses and hugs in the world, jokes, or little attributes like cookies and gifts. You just can't. It's unreal. But what I feel for Rafe is so real. So real it makes my heart churn every time I think about it. It makes me nauseous. It's nauseation or butterflies, but I doubt butterflies anymore.

And the worst thing is there's nothing to talk about, so I couldn't if I tried. And there's nothing to fix. You can't fix a heart. But maybe, just maybe with five little words, 'I love you too, Jude.'.  I'm aching for him to say it, craving it more than I've ever craved something in my life.

*Rafe's POV*

I can't stop thinking about her, what she said, the way she cried or the way I'm too scared to say it back. The truth is, I love Jude, I love her more than anything. And when she said it to me, I froze. Completely.

Was it because I wanted to say it first? Was it because I'm not sure if she'll still love me back if I said it too? Maybe. I wish I fucking new.

I want to hold her, kiss her, show her, tell her how much I love her. I need to find a way to get her to talk to me. A way for her to forgive me. Every time I get close to telling her how sorry I am, how I really feel, I block it off and just smile or fucking nod at her. She smiles back, or waves, I can see the hurt in her eyes, from laying in bed with each other to simple exchanges of 'hi'. Pretty shitty transaction if you ask me.