The Weight Of Deafness In Love And Survival

Chapter 15 - Breaking Rules

My brain wouldn't shut up as I moved around with Wells, simply following him around, eyes down and focused on his legs so I wouldn't run into him. I could only imagine what it'd be like if I could listen to the pain Jasper was in. I didn't have to and could just keep my processor turned off or completely off like it currently was, it being left on the top level of the dropship where I'd put it yesterday, but the others didn't have that option.

With that thought I pause and glance around; spotting Murphy and Bellamy in the distance as Murphy throws his makeshift knife at a tree. It didn't imbed and just fell to the ground. I look back at Murphy as he gestures to the dropship, annoyance on his face, and tells Bellamy "It's that damn kid. He's messing with my head." "He's not gonna last much longer. Better think of a new excuse." Bellmay responds before throwing his axe at the tree. My eyes follow it and I watch as it sticks to the tree.

My head tilts slightly as I look at it wondering why Bellamy had experience like that if he wasn't a guard. Didn't Octavia question why he was wearing the guard uniform? That's when Murphy appears in my line of sight, bending down to pick up his knife, changing my attention to him. It didn't really matter how I knew Murphy...yeah. Clarke and Wells and even myself could tell myself that all we like but I want the answer for who he was to me. I need to confront Murphy, to understand why he seems so familiar, why I have the feeling that he's the reason for all these memories have resurfaced, why his face fit so perfectly with Jona's.

He turns around to return to Bellamy's side then, but pauses when his eyes meet mine, that indescribable look passing over his face a moment before he looks away and starts returning to Bellamy's side, pausing again to tell one of the boys, I'm pretty sure was who Bellamy called Atom, that'd apparently shown up saying "Yeah, or they could be in pound town. Lot of that going around recently." Causing Atom to clench his jaw a little and look to the ground. Murphy gets a satisfied look on his face before he then returns next to Bellamy, who now looked a little grumpy. Which could only mean that Atom and Octavia had done something like that.

But before I could think on that more I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn to see it was Wells, a scolding look on his face, as he then signs to me "Come on. You're going back to the dropship." I frown but don't ask why or argue and simply start heading back to the dropship. I didn't want to go back but with his look and the fact he was telling me, not asking, I knew it wasn't just because I was paying attention to what they were doing but because I stopped and probably was alone for a moment before he noticed. I was lucky I was even being allowed out in the first place.

But once inside the dropship I hesitate to climb the ladder to the upper level. All the confidence that I'd be fine up there gone. That's when I felt another tap on my shoulder. I turn to see it was, again and obviously, Wells, though his scolding look was gone now, as he then signed "It's okay. Just stay here while I check in on them."

I nod and move out of the way but before he starts to climb up he signs "I mean it Cooper." I just avert my eyes and wonder over to the farthest spot from the door, turn back around so I was facing the door and Wells, still at the ladder, and sit down while waving him off. He gives me a clear 'I mean it.' Look before he heads up.

I release a sigh as look down at my hands. What'd I'd done with them yesterday replaying in my mind. I couldn't believe what I had done with them...what I had done. I should've just stayed in the dropship. That's when the image of Murphy's face blending with Jona's replaying in my mind and I feel the urge to leave the dropship. To run out and confront him. Was I going to regret doing it? Maybe. But I was going to get the answer.

I look up then going to stand but pause when I notice Octavia is now in the dropship, crouched really close next to Atom who was sitting and scrapping a small piece of scrap metal on a rock a few steps away from me, and catch the end of what she was asking "-butterfly field? Huh?" But he doesn't respond to her and just keeps scraping the metal against the rock. "Am I being too subtle?" She asks then but he just keeps scraping.

"Atom." She clearly snaps but all he does is look away from what he was doing a moment before continuing scraping. So, I was right. His name was Atom.

She then slowly looks away from him, a 'what the hell?' look on her face, before she notices me and gets a questioning look on her face and motions with her head to him. 'Bellamy', I mouth and she understands and gets an annoyed look on her face as she gets up and storms out of the dropship.

I release another sigh before I stand and glance at Atom but he doesn't look up from his scrapping so I just head out of the dropship, this time not hesitating to push the parachute out of the way, walk off the ramp, and look around for Murphy. Soon, I spot him walking away from one of the tents.

I only get a few steps towards him when I spot Octavia bolt out of the tent, heading straight for the dropship, from the corner of my eye. I stop and fully turn my attention to her, noticing Bellamy following after her, hot on her heels, looking simply annoyed. What's going on?

That's when Octavia notices me, detours towards me saying "It's Jasper. He's-" Her face looking panicked and concerned. My eyes widen, realizing that Jasper had to be screaming for some reason, and whip around back towards the dropship but that's all I could do. I know I should go in and try to help somehow but the thought of what was happening inside the dropship was enough to freeze me where I stood.

I can only watch as Octavia, and Bellamy close behind her, rush past me and disappear into the dropship. Wouldn't I just get in the way? Just seeing Jasper earlier and the thought of him screaming in there was enough to get me to freeze. Shaking my head and clutching my hands in determination then and head back inside, pushing shoving the parachute out of the way. Jasper was still alive. I'd like to keep it that way. I can deal with whatever it brings up. I'd be fine.

But once again I hesitate to climb the ladder to the upper level, all the confidence that I'd be fine up there gone again. I was pathetic. I sigh before clutching my hands in determination, turn, head back out of the dropship, this time just brushing the parachute out of the way, walk off the ramp, and look around for Murphy again. If I couldn't go up there I should confront Murphy. And this time I'd do it no matter what. Third times the charm you know.

But instead of spotting him I notice a young girl, probably no more than twelve or thirteen, slipping out the partially finished wall, alone. My eyes widen and without thinking I go after her.