Love Like Ours

•┈••✦Lifelong Fear✦••┈•

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I spent every night crying until I couldn't.

I was so dehumanized and didn't even realize it because I was just happy to be occasionally loved.

He had a habit of sending me other girl's nudes and videos and talking about one girl the most.

He always compared me to her and made it clear she was prettier and skinnier.

Everything I'd never be.

Her name was Savannah.

He talked about her like she was an angel sent from heaven.

He called me her rebound and used to call me by her name sometimes.

One night though everything changed.

We were sitting on call laughing together and getting along when he told me he was cheating on me with her and twenty-three other girls.

I was shell-shocked, destroyed, and inconsolable.

He tortured me every day for over a year and I still wasn't enough for him to be loyal, he called me crazy and would punish me when I questioned his loyalty.

I was right the whole time.

He made me look at the proof on the call with him with my camera on.

I broke down crying and he told me while I cried that he was filming the whole thing because he loved seeing me in pain.

In his exact words, he was my punishment for living.

He was my hell.

I left the call hyperventilating and alone in the dark in my closet.

I had done everything he asked of me and still wasn't good enough.

What was so wrong with me?

Why was I not loveable?

I got a message from Savannah only a few minutes later apologizing and saying that's just how he was.

At first, I was defensive but as the hours passed I started talking to her more and more.

She convinced me to break up with him and go to court with her when I turned eighteen so we could throw him in jail together.

She was seventeen turning eighteen in a couple of months.

I was only fourteen by that point but I told her I was also seventeen.

When we told him this he sent us both an identical goodbye message with the only thing being different was our names.

He didn't even bother to give us personalized goodbyes.

Neither one of us thought much of it until Savannah texted me saying he sent her a photo of his wrists slashed open.

Savannah wasn't worried but I was panicking.

I spent two weeks calling him and texting him and trying to find anything about him.

I decided if he didn't come back in three weeks that I would kill myself.

He told me daily that if he wasn't in my life I was supposed to because nobody else would love me.

In my almost three weeks of searching, I found a forty-five-year-old matching him down to the location, age, job, and school.

I knew I had found him but before I could do anything he sent me a message telling me it was a test.

His wrists weren't slashed it was just makeup.

he wanted to which one of us cared more, and despite the answer being me he kept chasing Savannah.

It turned out Savannah was just as awful as he was.

They had been making fun of me behind my back.

She knew about me while he cheated on me with her and others.

He sent her my videos and pictures and she made fun of my body.

I came clean about my age somewhere during this whole ordeal and he was ecstatic about it.

But he refused to admit he was forty-five even when directly confronted.

I was forced to drop the topic for fear of being punished again.

I was forced to stay with him until December of 2021 when my mother caught us on call and took away everything for a long time.

The night she found out and for months to come I was beaten daily for it, I had black eyes and bruises all over my body for weeks.

I was punished for being abused and manipulated, nothing I said changed it so I eventually stopped trying.

One day though it just stopped and was never mentioned again.

And I wish I could say everything ended there.

But it never did.

The second I got my electronics back I started sending emails to one of my old accounts.

He had all the passwords to every single one of my accounts.

After a couple of months and a mail tag, I found out he was reading everything but refused to respond.

After that, I simply stopped sending them while I tried to figure out what to do now that he had abandoned me.

Days passed slowly as I waited for a sign that he didn't give up on me. But as the days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I accepted that it was over.

And by October 2022 I was in a new relationship and months would fly by as I slowly realized what love is.

He eventually hunted me down three separate times and tried to scare me into being with him again.

And so far I have escaped every attempt and I wait in constant fear for the day he sends my mom something or hunts me down again.

I wait for the day my luck runs out and my hell returns.

It's a prison sentence that nobody deserves.