Feelings Incarnate | ✓

29 | Reasons Behind Actions

Kiara࿐

I stormed into my parent's room, the scent of lavender air freshener enveloping me in a comforting embrace, closely resembling Mom's scent. But this time, I was far from comfortable to be soothed by it.

She was sitting at the edge of the bed, squinting at her phone screen. Her eyebrows were furrowed together, and the moment she noticed me, she patted the space beside her, beckoning me to sit down--which I did.

"What is it, Kiara?" she asked, scrolling through the pages of some pdf she had received on her phone.

Here goes.

Taking a deep breath, I questioned her, "Why did you lie?"

"About what?" she asked, oblivious, not removing her eyes from the phone in her hands.

"About Hayden."

She stilled, and I could feel her tense up beside me. "What about him?"

"He didn't leave me. He was forced to leave me. Because of you." I looked at her dead in the eye, waiting for her response.

She sighed and set her phone on her lap. "I didn't think he'd leave the country, Kiara."

I clenched my jaw at that. Was that the only thing she could think of to say?

"He wouldn't have done that if he didn't have a reason to! I heard that you blamed him for what happened." I paused and pursed my lips, anger filling up in me, causing my eyes to tear up. "It was my fault! Why did you have to blame it on him?"

"I'm sorry."

I grimaced at that. "Sorry for what?"

Her eyes flickered around nervously as she fidgeted with her fingers. She was nervous.

"I was too ignorant. I'm sorry about that." She shut her eyes and inhaled sharply, before uttering, "But you lied to me, Kiara."

"What?"

"You lied to me about not being in a relationship."

"Mom, you obviously would have tried everything in your power to stop me."

"Of course, I would have! Relationships mess people up! I didn't want you to get heartbroken! Especially during your college days when you're supposed to be focusing on your studies!"

That was the last straw. "That's my business! If I wanted to get messed up, let me! After all, without going through any heartbreak, how did you think I'd become stronger?! My grades didn't fall either. I studied even harder because I didn't want to disappoint you!" I was screaming, rapidly blinking back tears and trying to quell the lump beginning to form in my throat.

Mom gaped in alarm at my sudden outburst. She reached out to rest her hand on my shoulder, but I jerked away.

"He was a good guy, Mom. He made me laugh and . . . I felt loved." I bit on my lower lip as the memories hit me. "For once in my life, Mom. For once, I allowed a guy to get close to me."

She didn't answer me, and it made me feel even more miserable. It felt like I was talking to a wall.

"Don't you even feel sorry?" I asked, glaring at her while she avoided my eyes and stared hard at the back of the phone lying on her lap.

"I am sorry, Kiara."

I scoffed at that, sniffling in frustration. I hated quarrelling with my mom, especially seeing her hurt expression. But I had no choice. I had to let her know how much her rules hurt Irene and me; imprisoning us like helpless birds in her tiny cage.