Calzona- Fourth Times A Charm

Chapter 8

Callies pov

Tw: mentions of depression, SH, & ED

"Bye mommies!" Sofia yelled from Aprils car as she closed the door. Arizona and I waved back from opposing sides of the door, awkwardly keeping our distance, and then Arizona closed it. As the awkward silence surrounded us, we realized we were alone, without our daughter around for the first time since before we separated. The discomfort filled the room, but knowing we had to, we both sat in her living room facing each other. I mean, what else would we do at that point.

We sat there for a while, probably 15 minutes at least, and eventually I started to get sick of it.

"Okay, well since it looks like neither of us want to break the silence I'll just do it for the both of us," I said. To my surprise Arizona almost looked scared even though I was almost laughing when I said it to try to lighten the mood. Clearly, it didn't work.

Then, she forced a smile a little, so I continued.

"It's clear that we are both struggling, and we have to change that for our daughter." This was the first time that I was admitting my depression to myself. I had been in a constant cycle of what I do in my life, but all without Arizona, and it had been eating me from the inside out.

She kept her defensive position and didn't respond.

"Oh, come on Arizona. Don't tell me you haven't been struggling. I've been dealing with depression ever since Penny and I split in New York. I was using her to fill your void, and once she was gone I realized I could never fill it. I don't expect you to take me back... the way I left you, and let them talk about you in court is.... unforgivable, but we do need to figure this out for our daughter if nothing else," I said, hoping that I would get something out of her. She softened greatly at the word "depression," and asked, "are you okay?" In a very concerned voice.

"Uh- uh, ye- yeah" I stuttered, even though I wasn't. However, despite the issues I was facing, I could feel my mood rising a bit. She still cares about me. After everything she went through, and everything I put her through, she still cares about me. I should've known when she told me all of those details I didn't even know about myself at therapy.

Cautiously, she got up and sat down flush next to me, and did what I never would've expected. She held my hand. She held my hand and asked "can you stay?"

"What do you mean? Here, in Seattle?" I asked back. At that point, her head was resting on my shoulder, and I felt her nod. I felt my mood truly begin to ride for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

"Uhhh, yeah" I said with a growing smile. This is the first time in a long time that I've truly felt like myself.

We sat there for about 10 minutes enjoying each other's company before I interrupted the silence, feeling my stomach growl.

"Wanna order some takeout?" I ask. She sighed.

"I'm not really hungry Callie, but I don't care if you order any" she said. I knew this was a lie from our time together. She worked like a clock, and always needed breakfast lunch and dinner on time. It was already dinner time and she had skipped lunch. My time spent in her bed while she slept didn't help her case either. It was honestly very concerning, but I didn't push. It's been a long day for the both of us. I'll just order some extra and offer it to her if she wants.

Hoping it would make her nostalgic, I ordered Italian. One small cheese pizza and pasta. I saw her give me a quick look as I ordered, but then she let it go. She just didn't seem to care enough.

As I sat at the kitchen counter on my phone, I noticed Arizona get up and come to the kitchen. When she began rummaging through the cabinet, I tried not to be suspicious, but I curiously watched her. She grabbed a bottle of cream, and headed to her bedroom. I really wanted to follow, but I didn't. It looked like a medical cream, maybe for her cuts. Just in time to knock me off of my train of thought, there was a knock on the door, "delivery!" someone yelled.

I opened the door, and took my food from him. "$16.27 please" he asked. I handed him a 20 and told him to keep the change before we exchanged friendly smiles and I closed the door, bringing my food to the kitchen counter.

"Arizona! Foods here if you want any!" I yelled.

"Thanks" she yelled back. She didn't seem to be all too excited about it, and she also seemed distracted.

As I began to read an article on my phone while I ate, I heard a strange noise come from her bedroom. I stopped eating, and turned off my phone to listen. It sounded like gasping.

I slowly and quietly walked over to her bedroom, trying to avoid making the floorboards of her gorgeous hardwoods creak. She really did buy a gorgeous house after the custody battle because she wanted Sofia to have her best life.

When I got close enough to pause and listen, I could feel my heart ache when I heard Arizona tearfully gasp every couple seconds. After years apart, I didn't know how to handle it, but I came here to help us. She may not want me back, but I know her better than anyone, so regardless of what I wanted, I continued to inch closer to the door. When I got close enough, I gently knocked on the door.

"Are you okay Arizona?" I asked. I noticed her room go quiet, and then I heard her sniffle.

"Uhm, yeah I'm fine. I'm just doing my leg" she said. As much as she tried to disguise it, I could tell she had been crying.

"Well why don't you let me come in and help, I'm an orthopedic-"

"I'm good Callie" she interrupted me.

"Are you sure? I know how to make it hurt less, and it sounded like it was painful."

"I'm sure" she said with a sigh.

"Arizona, please, I can tell you've been crying"

"Callie, no!"

"Arizona!" I said loudly, and then I couldn't contain myself but to open her door.

When I opened the door, I saw Arizona's residual limb, and it was the worst I had ever seen it. Red, swollen, with one section that was raw from rubs. Taken back, I tried getting eye contact, but she looked away.

Suddenly, I felt a strong urge to cry, and to hug her. As hard as I tried, I couldn't hold it in, and tears started escaping my eyes. Arizona noticed and made a concerned glance in my direction, but she understandably felt awkward.

As my tears continued to flow, I realized that not only would sitting with her make things less awkward, but it was what I wanted too. So I slowly walked to her right side and sat down flush next to each other. This is when I noticed, that she too, was crying, but obviously not just from her leg anymore. I put a supportive hand on her right thigh, but she quickly escalated it into a hug. A tight, and needy and passionate hug. The hug that I had been silently wanting since the last one we shared on my front porch. The same hug that always made everything feel okay when it felt like the world was falling apart. The same hug that made me feel loved and worthy when my father disowned me. The same hug that I had longed when Arizona had lost her leg. I thought she hated me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe she needs me as much as I need her. Maybe, just maybe, we are still meant to be.

A/n
I'm backkkk! It might take me longer to update because I really want to come out with chapters that are consistently this long at least. I hope you guys really enjoy this! You'll be seeing the next chapter next Monday or sooner hopefully! :)