This Is Us

Chapter 22

AnnaBelle POV

  I could cry. 

  I could break down right here in this rental car and sob my heart out, scare Chris away and go back to a life that consists of just my little boy and I. 

  It's a good life, really.  Lonely? Sure.  But that's what Ally is for, right?  That's what my career is for, to fill a void that continues to linger ever since Ian said those hateful words four years ago.

  Ian continues to use the term 'broken' when describing his son, our son.  He has no clue that it's really myself that's broken. The damage that he inflicted upon me going much further than just words piercing my heart about Walker, but about myself as well.  There's only so many times you can be told that you caused your son to be different before you start believing it yourself. 

  I  knew better though.  I've done the research.  My actions had nothing to do with the way Walker was created, and yet when you hear it over and over again, there's a part of yourself that believes the lies. 

  I've let it tear away at me for so long. I thought for sure by now I was past it, even this morning I didn't hold my breath that he'd show up for the party.  But knowing that he was in town, and still didn't show up? Another part of my heart broke once more. 

  None of this is fair to anyone involved. It's unfair for Walker to grow up without an involved father, although if Ian was going to be nothing more than a dick, I'm glad he's not a part of his life.  It's not fair that I continue to let words from years ago haunt me today.  The way Ian behaved today was a grave reminder of how ugly of a heart he holds within.

  The embarrassment, oh the embarrassment of his words spoken in front of Chris.  There really is no way to come back from something like that. Ian hit below the belt, and no matter how drunk he was, he did it with purpose.

  And now even as Chris takes a right out of the bowling alley lot, I can't seem to muster up any form of conversation.  I suppose it's a good thing that Chris doesn't try to push for any either. 

  My gaze continues to be locked on the passing city sights around me.  Moments from the alley with Ian, along with years of our relationship early on keep flashing through my mind, all tearing away at my heart. 

  Before I can get a grip on myself I feel a tear slip from my eye.  I lift my hand to swipe it away quickly, hoping Chris didn't notice it. Too late, I realize when I feel his thumb brush against my cheek, noticing he's placed the car in park down a side street.

  "Sorry," I finally mutter, sniffling.

When I finally let my eyes drift over to his face, I notice his features are a lot softer than they were when Ian had planted himself in the midst of our 'almost' moment. "No reason to apologize," he assures me. "There's a park," he continues as I give him a strange 'duh' look, "Which you probably already know since you live here. But they've got some type of summer concert series thing going on. Thought, if you wanted to, we could hang out for a bit, enjoy it, maybe talk."

"Aren't you worried about being noticed?"

He points to the cap that now sits forward once more, along with the sunglasses covering his kind blue eyes. "That's what these are for."

"A ball cap and glasses does not a disguise make," I tell him, finding this whole moment comical.

I'm sitting in a rental car with a Hollywood actor that I've watched numerous times on television thanks to my comic loving son who happens to have autism. We just encountered my drunk ex husband who announced to the entire bowling alley that I suck in bed and caused me to miss out on the one opportunity to kiss said actor.