Boyfriend for Hire [minsung]

Chapter 15

HAN POV

Lee Know and I untangled ourselves and readied to go to the drugstore. By the time we made it downstairs, everyone else was already gone and off, enjoying themselves. The walk was pretty quiet, and I could not get a read on what he was thinking. I worried that I'd made a mistake in oversharing some things. I didn't usually share information about my health or money or insurance (or lack thereof), and Lee Know had not spoken much at all since I had brought it up.

When we made it to the store, Lee Know excused himself, and I set off to find my headache medicine. The store was organized a lot like the one back home, so it was really easy for me to find what I was looking for. I paid and then set off to try to find where Lee Know had gone so that we could leave. I walked up and down the aisles with no luck. As far as I could tell, he wasn't there. After a while of searching unsuccessfully, I decided to just call him. His phone rang and rang, but he never answered.

My heart broke a little because deep down I knew this was my fault. I should have never shared so much personal stuff with him so soon. Even though he had said he wouldn't get scared off, I knew it was a possibility. Literally everyone else in my life had abandoned me, so why should I have expected Lee Know to be any different? It's not like I knew him really well anyway.

I headed outside and began the walk back to the house alone. I took solace in the fact that at least this time, there would be an actual reason for him to have decided not to be with me. At least this time it was more than the potential for ice cream to spill on something. This time he had decided he didn't like me after getting to know me. That had to count for something.

I made it back to the house with no sightings of him, and I made my way upstairs to change. He had promised me a beach day, and I was going to have one with or without him.

I changed into the swimsuit he had bought me. It was a bit shorter than the ones I usually got for myself, but he insisted it was what was in style here. I put on a hat, found my sandals, and popped a pill before making my way downstairs. I went out the back door and found a pile of towels for everybody. I took one and walked down the steps to the path that had been dug in the sand.

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining so brightly, and I was surprised that the beach wasn't very crowded. I forgot, though, that this beach was reserved for residents only. I laid out the towel and took off my shoes. I stared out at the water, trying to find some sort of peace in it.

When I had first been diagnosed, a lot of my family and other patients recommended going to the ocean. They said it was a great place to think about life and its meaning, and a great reminder of how big the universe is. Now that I sat right in front of the massive expansion of blue, I really felt like everything they had told me was bullshit. The world didn't feel big at all. It felt like it was caving in and getting smaller and smaller by the second. I could feel the inevitability that it would shrivel into nothing.