traded my life [TWD]

『57』

Rick and Daryl wouldn't allow me to help move the bodies. Carol scolded me for trying. When I got too close to one, T-Dog would step in my way and grab it.

"I'm not fragile, you know," I inform. "I can move a body."

"Yeah, lift a body and your gut falls out your coochie," Daryl remarks.

"Don't ever say 'coochie' again," I complain.

"Maybe we shouldn't be swearing in front of Woojin," Rick offers.

I situate Woojin on my hip. "Nah, man. You don't know this little shit. He has the mouth of a sailor. He cusses me out every time I change his diaper."

Carol giggles. "Like mother, like son."

"My boy takes 'son of a bitch' to the realest extent," I add.

"You calling yourself a bitch?" Daryl asks as he and T drag a body to the truck.

"You know good and well that every one of you has called me a bitch behind my back," I scoff.

"You think that lowly of us?" T asks.

"Well, I've certainly called you a dick and an asshole before."

"Yeah, but you say it to my face," T jokes.

"Damn, you right," I say and point at T, causing him to make a face and point back at me.

"Where's Glenn and Maggie? We could use some help," Carol notes.

"Haven't seen Maggie since Hershel told her to go get some rest," I answer.

The main reason we could be out here was because Hershel woke up just last night. He wasn't saying much, but he was awake and fighting. The best news we've gotten. He was healing. The idea worked.

"I was on watch last night. They ain't left the guard tower," Daryl says, pointing up at the one closest to the prison.

"Guard tower?" Rick repeats. "They were just up there last night."

I chuckle under my breath as the pieces come together. "Yeah, I'm sure something is up, all right."

"Watch this," Daryl says, patting my arm. "Glenn! Maggie!"

Glenn opens the door and peers around the corner. I could see him buttoning his pants. "Hey! What's up, guys?"

"Ah, look here," I note and Carol playfully pushes my back lightly.

"You comin'?" Daryl asks Glenn.

Carol giggles and rests her forehead on my shoulder. I make a face and cover Woojin's eyes, making Rick and T laugh harder.

"What?" Glenn asks.

"Are you coming?" Daryl repeats.

Maggie is next in the doorway. Her hair a mess and her shirt dangling on her body.

"Come on, we could use a hand," Daryl tells them.

We walk away as a group and wait for Glenn and Maggie to come down, still laughing and chuckling like some schoolgirls.

"At least he went from lasting a minute to lasting all night," I note.

"A minute?" T repeats.

"You wouldn't believe the things I've heard, man."

Carol giggles and punches Daryl lightly in the side. "You're terrible."

Daryl smiles freely and I feel a weight off my shoulders from the banter. We hadn't been able to laugh like this in a long time.. if ever. This prison really was the start of something new. Something better.

"Hey, Rick," T calls, voice serious.

Well, shit.

I go to turn around, but Rick grabs my shoulders, keeping my faced the other way. My body goes tense at the realization that Q must be outside.

"How many?" Daryl asks, peering up over the yard.

"Just the three," Rick answers.

"Three?" I repeat.

"Didn't go as planned yesterday. One got bit. The other two.. shit happens," Rick answers.

"And him?" I ask.

Daryl and Carol trade a look of confusion. I could tell that no one outside of Rick, Lori, and I knew what was happening. Q. We were the only three that knew who Q was.

"Daryl, T, come with me," Rick leads. "Carol, keep Hyejin back and don't get close."

I move Woojin to my chest, hugging him tightly. my eyes dart around nervously, though I don't dare turn around to see where Rick, T, and Daryl were walking over to the prisoners.

I try to breathe. It feels like it gets locked in my throat. I feel the beginnings of a panic attack creeping up once again. The chill up my spine and through my shoulders. The world growing distant and blurry.

"Hyejin?" Carol asks, placing a concerned hand on my shoulder and arm. "Honey, what's wrong?"

I shake my head and look at Woojin's head, trying to plant myself in reality. Woojin is real. I let him be my anchor.

"One of the prisoners.." I voice softly- it sounded like it came from someone else instead of my own chest. "I.."

Carol picks up on some of the signs. She moves closer and puts my head on her shoulder, rubbing my back gently.

"He was.. older.. and I was young. And I thought he was my person," I try to explain. "But.. he wasn't. And he was just.. He just wanted.."

"You don't have to talk anymore," Carol assures. "I understand."

Tears build in my eyes. Woojin looks up at Carol and I, picking up on the sadness and fear in the air.

"You're so much more than your past, Hyejin," Carol speaks. "You're so much more than mistakes and pain."

"Shane and Rick tried to warn me about him," I admit. "But, I just kept going back to him. I was fifteen. He was twenty-two.. I.. I was blind. Stupid-"

"You're not stupid," Carol argues.

"I was," I reiterate.

"You were young and he was a manipulative creep," she states. "No man like that should look at a child for those things. He was in the wrong and he is the one to blame."

I shake my head. I was still at fault. I pushed to keep him around. I followed every word he said. I denied Shane's help because I wanted Q.

"He's always felt like.. like a ghost," I whisper despite no one else being around. "Like he's always there.. haunting me.. not letting me go.. And now.. now he's here. In the flesh. Watching me from afar."

Carl shushes me and holds me closer. I sniffle back tears and rest on her shoulder fully. As if he wanted in the sympathy circle, Woojin snuggles into my chest and coos like he was saying words of comfort.

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈--

the group is such a supportive little found family it will never not make me cry