Twist, Click And Lock

The Bleeding Poppy

{Song recommendation : 'Teeth' by Enhypen's Dark Moon Special 'Memorabilia'}

Guilt is a funny feeling. It can manifest as a heavy, gnawing sensation in the pit of your stomach or a lingering weight on your conscience. Consuming you, agonizingly gradual and painstakingly slow. Guilt is like the feeling of an old wooden piece being eaten away by termites. Guilt feeds on your fear. 

Anxiety and Guilt go hand-in-hand. Both the same,  disturbing, disconcerting, or perturbing feeling of apprehension. It seems so never-ending, everything seems to stop around you.  It's like a constant nagging voice in your head, reminding you of your perceived wrongdoing and making it difficult to find peace or forgiveness, both from others and from yourself.

Losing yourself more and more everyday, the guilt inside you makes you emerge as a filthy monster. When it gets unbearable, the dam ends up cracking open.

Over time, people learn to accept themselves, mentally fragmented and physically shattered. They learn, acknowledge their feelings and seek help.

While most neurotypical individuals would go through this kind of process, a mentally deranged being or psychopath would have it's own ways.

Manipulation, Twisting not just their own but other's perspective on their wrongdoing, psychopaths are skilled and charming manipulators. 

Rationalization, Telling themselves what they did was just fine, whether it's chewing on a tongue ripped out of their victim's tongue or simply drugging a little kid with weed. They'd realign their actions with their way of viewing things, in that way, nothing they did was not necessarily acceptable.

Blame-Shifting, Oh, the way it was so easy for Elle to always shift the blame on somebody else, whether it was when a patient at the asylum was intensely vexing so Elle roofied their food only to make them more of the psychologically disturbed and cognitively disturbed maniac they were, or when she'd fight with her sister over stupid things, she ensured that the blame be shifted to the opponent, or more properly, victim. She had the whole asylum in the palm of her hand believing that the poor patient was only going crazier themselves and must be sent somewhere more suitable for them. Chantelle had gotten them out of the way, as expected. It was this incident, that had caught Ethan's eye. 

As to when it came to blaming her sister in a fight, Chantelle would look for creative ways to start fights with her sister because of mere boredom. 

 No matter the level of seriousness of the situation, Elle assured things fit and followed her desired outcome. Her way of blame-shifting wouldn't just reassure others but her own self too. She would have seemed to convince herself that it wasn't her fault one way or the other.

Avoidance, Instead of facing herself, she'd rather avoid and bury it deep down inside her. This was where she lacked. She couldn't avoid the guilt. 

It was like those scenarios for her when you're trying to avoid a bully in the school hallway but they still end up finding you and beating you to a pulp. Her guilt was slowing her down, as if there were ivies and vines from beneath the crust wrapping themselves around her body and pulling her deep inside, somewhere so deep, lost and far, that maybe she'd never return from there.

Would she be able to avoid the guilt of having murdered her best friend, Bree?

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                                                              Chantelle POV