Fix me (COMPLETED) #Wattys2016

Chapter Fifteen

A/N
**
The name of the book has been officially changed from "Shattered Hearts" to "Fix me"! I also want to thank the ever amazing Absent_Siano for the beautiful cover she made me! She's super nice, go check out her work!
**

(Picture above is the dress Layla wore later this chapter.)

(Not edited)

| Layla's Pov |

Today is the Aqd al Quran (Nikah / legal marriage contract) and i dont know how i feel about that.

Im sitting in the bedroom in the pool house which will become my new home in 2 hours, dressing Melak. My mind is else where while I zip Melak's lilac dress up.

I'm becoming a married woman today. But it doesn't feel special or remarkable. It's not a special day it's just an unordinary day. We're not even having a wedding. Who would we even invite? My parents are out of the equation and I've got no friends whatsoever... well unless you count Diana whom I've only spoken to a handful of times.

Being a girl and all, I've always dreamed of my wedding day. I've been looking forward to this day for as long as I can remember. But now that it's here i feel nothing but disappointment. In myself. In my life. In the path I've chosen to take.

I wish I could go back to graduation day and call my brother to come and pick me up instead but how could I wish that? How could I wish that when that god awful night resulted in my little angel being born. It's been painful, shameful and most of all a complete traumatic experience... but I can't. I just can't wish it away, I can't wish the pain away because then I'd be wishing my daughter away too. And what would that make me? A monster myself.

Melak is my blood, and she will grow up being loved. I'll make sure of that.

Since we're only signing our marriage contract at the mosque today, I decided to just wear a simple long maroon maxi skirt with a low tear, and a long sleeved white shirt tucked into it. I opted for my black ballerinas instead of heels.

I put my hair in a low messy updo, and put on minimum makeup.

Im doing this to look presentable, not attractive. I lie to myself.

I shake these thoughts out of my head and remind myself that this is not a marriage of love but rather a marriage of convenience. It's a deal. A deal that will end in 7 months. No commitments made.

Don't get attached Layla.

Teta walks into the bedroom that instant looking beautiful in her black and white women's suit.

"Come on habibati, let's go, Adam is waiting in the car." She says.

He is waiting in the car... such a gentleman... couldn't even bother to walk a few meters to greet us.

"Okay teta, coming."

I pick Melak up along with her diaper bag that is also used as my own personal purse nowadays.

We walk over to the driveway and get in the car saying our salaams (hellos). On the drive to the mosque, teta's voice fills the silence and I'm thankful for that, I wouldn't want another awkward silence to fill the air...

***

Adam and I sit side by side, listening and repeating what the Imam was saying.

Nervous jitters take over, I feel extremely weird. Is this excitement or nervousness?