Too Keen For Me

Chapter 18: Greatest Joy

I stood in line at the grocery store with food in my cart, feeling my stomach rumble. Fasting for Thanksgiving seemed like a smart idea at the beginning of the day, but now I was just starving and cranky.

As I loaded the items on the checkout, I looked at the magazine stand. On one front page was Miles with another girl that I had never seen before. My blood ran cold as I stared at the cover. 'New girlfriend for Kit?' the title read.

Miles and I weren't dating, but I thought we had something. Or maybe this was his plan all along to lead me on. Unable to stop myself, I picked up the magazine to buy.

Thanksgiving was today, but the only thing I could think about was Miles. If I wasn't with him the last few days, I was thinking about school, and I couldn't have that. That stressed me out too much, so Miles was a welcomed distraction. We had not talked about the kiss we had but his magazine made me want to bring it up, even if I was scared to.

"That will be $51.23," the cashier said.

I shook my head to clear it, then gave her my credit card.

She rang it and handed it back as I put the bags into the cart. "Have a good day," she said with a smile before I walked out of the store.

I smiled at her, then walked to the parking lot, trying to find Mom's car. She wanted to carpool for running errands but obviously; she forgot to pick me up.

I pulled out my phone to text her, but noticed it was dead. My phone was always dead at the most inopportune times. With a sigh, I sat down on the sidewalk to wait.

The warm sun hit my face which made me grateful that it was fairly warm today. To pass time, I pulled out the magazine and flipped through its pages.

I don't think I had ever picked up a gossip magazine before. The bold print and bright colors of the pages pull me deeper into articles by the passing moment. Quickly I got to the part about Miles' 'secret' lover named Izzy and I couldn't pry my eyes from it, reading every single word on the page.

My stomach sank to the ground as tears pricked my eyes. I was a game to him. Seeing this article confirmed that I couldn't be his friend anymore. It was too hard. After that kiss, I was finding it impossible.

Breaking me from my thoughts was a body standing over me. I looked up at Mom with a smile.

"Ready to get out of here?" Mom asked.

I nodded as I got up from the ground and brushed myself off. I was just surprised that I didn't have to wait longer.

"Sorry I'm late, had to get gas," she said, jingling keys that had a million key fobs on them. She sighed as we walked towards the car. "No, it's a problem. I was late. Listen, I know I haven't been present for the past year, but I want you to know that I love you. I'm doing all of this for you and your siblings."

I frowned, not sure if I wanted to have this conversation in a parking lot. This heart-to-heart conversation was better in a private place. I knew she was trying to provide, but sometimes I just wanted her to be a mom. "I know."

"As I have thought about what I was grateful for this past week, all I could think of were you three. I've missed so much after your father died." Her eyes welled up with tears. "I don't want to miss any more about your life."

I grabbed her hand and gave a squeeze. Finally, she realized what I've been hoping for. My eyes welled up with tears as my heart sped up. "I love you so much, Mom. I miss you, I miss this."

She kissed my hand as she turned the car on. "I'm going to try be more present, for all of you. I don't want to wake up one day and find that you three have grown up and moved away. I want to treasure what I have with you, now. I love you."