Balance, Baby

Chapter 15

I went through my day at work mindlessly, it was as if I was just going through the motions. I kept thinking about how things had gone between me and Judah. This is the exact thing I was scared about. It always felt so easy before, I never worried about how to act with him. I never worried about us arguing because it would be fixed the same day, without a problem. Things were just so much more complicated. It was hard to navigate my own emotions.

Sheila walked in 10 minutes late, thanking me for staying. I just nodded and faked a smile before leaving the kitchen. I sat in the break room after clocking out. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to do much of anything honestly. The only reason I went to work was to make sure I wouldn't be home when Judah got home from his internship. Also, I need money. But homelessness wasn't the end of the world, you know? Who cares about my mountain of debt? Not me.

I sighed. My brain had been scattered all day, not focusing on anything important while also focusing on every little insignificant thing all at the same time. I just put my head on the table, trying to find some moment of internal silence. Suddenly, I had an amazing idea. I pulled my phone out and texted my plug, asking them to swing by my apartment with an 8th. That should provide some enlightenment, or at the least some internal peace.

I used to be a full on stoner, all through high school I would get high almost every day. Something about college made me stop. I still partied hard then, but I didn't smoke every day like I used to. I got up, having something to look forward to. I made my way out of the break room and towards the bar.

"Hey, did my brother put a ring on it?" I asked Millie as soon as she came into view.

"Yeah," She was smiling.

"Good, you're too hot for him to take too long."

"How about your situation? How's the sex?" She teased, laughing.

I shook my head, smiling. Or trying to at least, "Non existent."

"Still?" She practically shouted, "Even me and Cisco have."

"Sheesh!" I exclaimed, "Good for you!"

She laughed and flipped her hair exaggeratedly, "I know, I know. It was great, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't. Trust me," I turned to leave, "Alright, I'm heading out."

"Wait, no updates? I wanted tea," She frowned.

I shook my head side to side, "Nothing really. I mean, nothing interesting."

"I doubt that. Come on, every girl needs someone to talk to. Just lay it on me," He insisted.

I sighed and sat down, "We kind of hit a bump. I mean, I decided to take some space."

"Why?" She leaned on the bar.

"We were doing well. We started to kind of act like an actual couple. We talked about making things official and everything, but then we had an argument. It was stupid honestly. Basically I wanted him to sleep and he wanted to fool around," I vented.

"So, you didn't want to fuck him and he got upset? Or?' She furrowed her eyebrows trying to understand.

"No," I laughed, "He's been exhausted from work. I wanted to, but I was purposely holding back so he would sleep. But, he noticed and he was unimpressed. Anyway, it escalated. For no good reason. I guess I was just being too stubborn, I wanted to do what I believed was best for him. So I kept insisting, but it pissed him off I guess. I don't really know. It led to him going on and on about how I shouldn't want to change. Some things were said. It was," My voice faded as I took a deep breath, "It was a lot. I actually said he was stupid for loving me. It got worse and worse. I took a walk to think. My conclusion was that I need to work on myself. So, I told him I needed space."