If Only ✔

Chapter 31.

Later that night I was alone in the house. Matt went to sleep over at his friends place and Andrew was at his parent's. I was reading a book when the doorbell rang. I got up to open the door and saw Daniel, who looked terrible if I may add.

"Daniel??? What the heck are you doing here?!" I exclaim and that's when I take in the alcohol smells. He's been drinking.

"Heyyyyy V!!!!!" He slurs and I sigh

"Dan go home" I say and he stomps his foot

"No. Not until you listen to me." He says

"We'll talk about it when you're sober" I say and he shakes his head

"Ohhhhh Verdana. Sweet. Sweet. Pretty little Verdana. When a drunk person needs to talk. They're saying whatever they had in mind when they were sober...Does that make sense?" He says

"No. Come on. I'll take you home." I say and he shakes his head

"Drunk words are sober thoughts V!! Remember?! So listen cause you'll never hear this again" He says and I stop. I nod at him to start talking

"I know I fuck up a lot...Nah actually I AM a fuck up. It's just that when you left me the first time I was so hurt. V you're my rock, you're my world. You keep me sane. So when I lost you I just changed. You wouldn't mind me when I'm trying to talk to you or befriend you again so I became an asshole to you so you can hate me. At least that way you're noticing me, just not in a good way..." He says and plops on the couch putting his hands on his head.

"You have no idea how happy I was when you came back in my life. When you and I were friends again. I was so happy and I made myself promise not to fuck it up. But god dammit back then I thought of you as my little sister cause you were all innocent and adorable. Then you started hanging out with Andrew and I don't know what happened but your innocent side vanished and out came a more confident Verdana. A girl who doesn't take shit from anyone, a girl who isn't afraid to stand up for herself, a girl who wasn't shy. So I couldn't stop my stupid ass heart from developing a crush on you.....developing a crush...hehehe like with the picture and you develop a picture of orange crush soda" he says suddenly off topic. He laughs for a moment but then realizes what he was talking about and immediately went sad again.

"I kept thinking to myself though that you couldn't love me back. So even after being friends with you I kept fucking other girls just not when you're around. I do it secretly. I was trying to find someone who can make me feel the way you make me feel...You know how you make me feel V??" He asks looking me in the eyes. He stands up and comes closer to me. He holds my face and makes me look at him. I shake my head and he chuckles

"Crazy. You make me feel crazy as fuck. You make me feel like I'm complete, Like I'm not a fuck up. And you make me feel so happy. No one else can do that V...No one." He says and he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear

"V...I've watched you and Logan be all lovey dovey for months...all the while I just kept the jealousy inside me. And...and your journal wasn't finished so I uh...heh...I continued it. I wrote what I felt too. As days go by I felt it was time to open this." He says and pulls out the letter I gave him. I hold my breath, that means he-

"I love you V...i love you so much it hurts me. And I understand if you don't love me but I just have to say it. I need you to know I love you. But I've been such a dick so you don't deserve someone like me. I just needed to tell you. And I need you to know. I also hope that you can forgive me. For everything. For only now realizing I love you, for screwing up, for hurting you and...and for this..." He says before kissing me, pouring all of his emotions into the kiss.

I could taste the alcohol in him. I was in shock and didn't do anything at first. Slowly I melted into the passionate kiss. It all felt so right yet so wrong at the same time.I wish time would just stop. This was the most perfect moment...but all good things must come to an end.

He pulled away for both of us to get some air. He looked at me in the eye before giving me one last quick kiss and murmuring an I love you. He lays back on the sofa and falls asleep immediately

I touch my lips which were tingly from the kiss. All my life I wanted that moment to happen. All my life I wanted him to love me back. And now he does and I'm supposed to be overjoyed.

I still like Daniel but I don't know if I can be in a relationship with him. I wanted to but now it's just so hard to trust him. How will I know that he won't get bored of me and fuck someone else? Especially since I'm really not ready to lose my V Card. He might get tired of waiting for me and fuck someone else. How can I trust him with my heart again when he already broke it once. I can't think straight. This is all too soon for me.

I go upstairs and bring down some pillows and blankets for Daniel. I went back up to my room still trying to wrap my head around what just happened

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