Only to Feel This Fully [Completed]

Ch. 7: Tell Me Something Good

Nora looked mildly surprised to see her newest hire walking into work on his first day alongside her favorite employee, dare I say. "Oh, good, you're both here. Charlie, I was going to have you train Theodore for that day if that's alright?"

"Works for me," I replied.

"Call me Teddy, miss," Theo interjected.

"Oh, stop with that miss nonsense, honey. Call me Nora, everyone else does. Isn't that right Charlie?"

"Yes, ma'am," I added as much rural gentility as I could muster.

"You keep going like that, Charlie, and you'll be getting inventory duty next week all by yourself." I shut my mouth after that.

I began showing Theo around the store, the different sections, how the register works, all that stuff. I explained how each employee picks a book recommendation each month and gives a short review of it for a display at the front of the store. He saw that mine for January had been On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong. I had been careful in the review to play up its poetic style and immigrant story while using gender-neutral terms to describe the main character's love interest, lest any of my friends pay a visit to the store and notice my fondness for a novel about a gay relationship. Theo, it appeared, was unfamiliar with the book, which was a relief.

"I guess I should probably get reading, then, because I only have a few weeks until February."

"I'm sure Nora would let you wait until March to catch up."

"Nah, I'll be fine, plus I want to start off on the right foot. Any suggestions?"

"I reviewed Normal People by Sally Rooney a few months ago. It came out a while ago but it keeps selling so it's always in stock. Nora lets you take books off the shelves to read during the lags in business. One of the many perks of working here, I might add."

"Okay, great, because I barely have enough time for my school reading." We both shared a laugh at that. After the tour of the rather confined space that was, as Nora frequently boasted, 'the only independent bookstore for nearly thirty miles in all directions,' I led Theo to the front desk, where we would spend most of the shift, while Nora liked to wander around, striking up conversations with whoever walked in. Eva had even taken to calling her a 'bougie, grown-up Luna Lovegood,' which was a fairly apt comparison.

After a few moments of silence, I decided to get an answer to a question that had been burning in my mind since Theo had introduced himself to Nora, "do you prefer to be called Teddy?"

"Oh, um, not really, but it's just easier to have everyone call me the same thing."

"Should I start calling you Teddy then?" I asked, worried that this marker of uniqueness in our friendship would be killed off.

"No!" Theo exclaimed with surprising force, which took me aback for a moment. Theo realized his tone had been imprecise to the moment and recalibrated, "I mean, I like that you call me Theo. You were the only one that did when I asked, do you remember that?"

"Yeah, it was at Kyle's end-of-season party that one year. You got everyone's attention like it was this huge announcement and told them and then Brent just goes 'okay, Teddy.' It seemed important to you and you seemed so upset about it, so I figured it was the least I could do."

"It was a huge deal for me! Teddy sounded so juvenile!"

"Yeah, Teddy is definitely an immature name."

"Oh, fuck off, dude. But, seriously, thank you. That meant a lot."

"I'm glad, Theo."

Theo looked like he was about to say something, but a customer came up to the register and our conversation came to an abrupt end. The rest of our eight-hour shift proceeded similarly, the conversation between the two of us with brief intervals of customer service. We started closing up the shop ten minutes before closing time at six and we were able to leave basically on the hour, which only happened about half the time.

I had presumed Theo would be my ride home, but I thought that would be the end of our day together. We had basically been around each other for sixteen straight hours at this point, minus a brief interruption. I assumed he'd be sick of me by now, but to my surprise he suggested we go to Reynoso Deli, a sandwich shop that was just down the street from the store. I, of course, readily agreed.

Once there, we ordered and sat down at a booth in the back corner to wait for our food. We fell into easy conversation, quickly consumed in a vigorous discussion about what music is considered feminine and masculine, on account of the whole Lizzo discussion from last night. Sal, the guy who made all the sandwiches, had to yell so loudly to get our attention that our food was ready that everyone else in the restaurant turned to stare at us, but only until we grabbed our food and sat back down in that far corner.

We didn't speak as we started in on our hoagies. Theo had ordered an Italian while I got buffalo chicken. We started talking again half of our respective hoagies had been consumed, but that didn't last long. A bell attached to the deli's front door alerted me when Patrick and Eva unexpectedly walked in. Patrick spotted me shortly thereafter and gave me a wave, which I returned, causing Theo to notice their presence as well. The couple made their way over to us after ordering our food. Patrick sat on Theo's side of the booth and Eva slid in next to me.

"Hey, where'd you get off to last night? We couldn't find you when Julia wanted to dip," Patrick directed the question in my direction.

"Oh, what time was that? I think I left with Theo around 3:30ish," I explained, while Theo seemed to tense up at that statement.

"Gotcha, we left at like four, so you must've already been gone."

"Where'd you get off to after we left you and Julia with Tate?" Eva asked, with the interrogation continuing.

"Julia and Tate were flirting so I tried to let them be. I thought that's why you left them too?" Eva blushed at that statement and Patrick preened, but I continued, "I wandered around friendless for a bit until I linked up with Theo and some Pine Wood hockey guys and we smoked outside until it started raining."

"Fuck, man, there was weed going around last night?" Patrick bemoaned.

Theo interjected, "there wasn't. I'm pretty sure Nolan was the only one who had any last night."

"Rat bastard, he knows I'm always done to smoke." Just then, Sal called the couple's orders and Patrick went up to get both of their hoagies. Theo took the opportunity of no longer being boxed in to use the restroom, excusing himself.

Once Theo was out of earshot, Eva turned to me and said in a low voice, "we'll talk about whatever's happening here later, got it?" I nodded in the affirmative.

Patrick and Theo came back at about the same time. Patrick gestured for Theo to go in first, wanting to be as close as possible to his girlfriend, but Theo shook his head and remained standing. Patrick looked confused but sat down. "I think I'd best be getting home now. Nice seeing you," he directed at Patrick and Eva, before turning to me and saying, "I had fun today, Charlie," before speed-walking his way out of the store.

"What the hell was that all about?" Patrick asked as soon as Theo left, wondering about the latter's strange behavior.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you." I looked sideways towards Eva before turning back towards Patrick, who was even more confused. One last breath, in and out, calm yourself, Charlie, "I'm gay."