Only to Feel This Fully [Completed]

Ch. 17: The Difference between Love & Mercy

The circumstances of the next few days created an overwhelming frustration in me, mainly accountable to a series of events that conspired to keep Theo and me apart. Theo's game on Monday night precluded any chance to continue our weekend activities. I decided against going because I worried about acting like the 'supportive boyfriend' might come off a bit too strong.

On Tuesday, we both had shifts at the bookshop, but Nora kept us busy for the entirety of it and Theo had to get home straight after to finish a paper. I did manage to get a quick goodbye peck as he dropped me off, but that left me even more frustrated than before.

I had a game on Wednesday. During warmups, I caught Theo in the stands with Jude and Nolan. The trio had stuck around after their own practice and the latter two constantly heckled our team, which infuriated several of my teammates. Scott was our top goalscorer and his absence definitely hurt the team, but we were playing the worst team in the league, so we were able to run up an 8-2 score. I had my best game of the season, two goals and three assists, which I attributed to wanting to show off for Theo. Winning, I suppose, covers over some fissures, as it appeared most intra-team tensions dissipated after the win.

Disappointment set in as I moved through the lobby unable to locate Theo, whom I assumed would have stuck around along with Nolan and Jude. My heart sank as I resigned myself to heading home with my mother. However, once clear of the rink's notoriously awful cell reception on the walk through the parking lot, a text from Theo popped up on my lock-screen, didn't want to stay bc might cause a scene, quickly followed by another, you were great tonight. I'm so proud of you. Theo's pride could not possibly equal my own at that moment, as the feeling swelled within me, as did relief.

I soon realized that I now had such a profuse compliment in writing that I could surely hold it over him when necessary in the near future. Suddenly, my disappointment at him not waiting around in the lobby evaporated. Even still, I knew Thursday would be the same as Tuesday, in that we would be prevented from having any time together alone.

Friday could not come soon enough. I privately resolved that the end of the week would also bring my first actual date with Theo, even if it did bring into existence that definitive talk we seemed destined for. Best to avoid further delay, I reasoned. I'd made this resolution Wednesday night and semi-regretfully shared this decision with Eva and Julia. The latter created a group chat she named Date Night 4 the D to brainstorm what I could do. We spent much of the next day going back and forth about it.

Just as the week's events had conspired against us, the weekend seemed to be conspiring with us. Theo's parents were going to Philly for some classical music concert and would be spending the night at some hotel so as to not have to drive back late at night. This would give us a level of privacy heretofore unseen.

We continued our near-constant texting through Friday, but I managed to keep Theo unaware of my plans. That entire day I was smiling like a mad man at my phone, which hadn't gone unnoticed. Patrick jokingly called me out on it a few times, only to be reprimanded by his girlfriend. Kirk and Ian, who did not have similar restraining influences, made snide comments whenever possible, but I couldn't seem to care about that either. I was so far gone.

After school, I walked home to get my stuff and then on to the Broussards' house, which gave me enough time to get there to meet Theo as he arrived home from his school, which let out later than mine. I had hoped Mr. and Mrs. Broussard would have already been on their way, but that wasn't to be. Mrs. B noticed me in their driveway and beckoned me inside before I could say no.

She made me a hot chocolate, despite my objections, and we chatted mostly about inconsequential things. Her words had lost their previous edge that I had come to guard against and I began to relax in her presence, enough so that I told her about my plans for the night with her son, or rather the PG version of those plans. She did not show any surprise at what I told her, leading me to believe that Theo had kept her update on the two of us. I found some irony that she probably knew where Theo and I stood better than I did.