I Got It

Anxiety

- Yazim-

 Shocked couldn't express how I feel at the very moment. After 5 years of not talking I thought they would have forgotten about me or thought I was dead. They must hate me I would hate me to if I were them. One day I’m smiling like nothing’s wrong the next I’m gone without a trace.

 I'm too scared to even respond to her Instagram Dm she sent me. What if she curse me out? What if she never wants to speak to me and actually wish I was gone? All these negative thoughts where floating around my head like a dead fish in a fish bowl.

 I coached myself to click the message and actually read it before I give myself an anxiety attack, god knows I don't need another one of those.

 I clicked the message and counted the seconds for it to load because my phone was running so slow. It was a video so I clicked it to watch.

There stood my beautiful favorite cousin / best friend Mya she has been down with me through everything when we were young. She wore this angry expression like she was about to bust a blood vessel in her neck. Then She Started talking.

" Wow after 5 years of thinking you’re dead , I see Chris brown posting pics of you on here , wow I can't believe your stupid ass we thought you were dead but comes to find out you left us to become famous "

 I swallowed the lump in my throat that was forming the same time as my tears. Then two more videos popped up. For a second I thought about deleting them and not watching them but I at least owed her the respect of getting all the anger off her chest. I can't blame her for being mad because she's right, the probably thought I was dead and has been suffering ever since.

 I guess I was selfish that I didn’t realize the people I would hurt in the process. I just was focus on leaving Jersey and never coming back.

 I clicked the video and it started playing.

 " After all we been through you had the nerve not to even tell me you were leaving you just up and go who are you? Me and Sasha cried for 6 months straight because we thought you were dead, you didn’t even let us see Kai one last time"

 I couldn't hold the tears back she was right I’m fee so selfish. But the videos didn’t stop. Every few seconds a new one came in from her telling me how crazy, selfish, and dumb I was. She told me how every year on me and Kai's birthday they would let go of balloons in memory of us and how she grew depressed and was in and out of the hospital for checking anxiety attacks.

 Last video she said she loves me and wants me to call her, she left her number and that was that no more videos. I balled up into a ball on Chris’s bed and cried my eyes out. To the point I started hyperventilating. I ran as fast as I could to my bag in Chris closet and looked for my anxiety pills.

 Mya and I as well as half the females in my family have a severe case of anxiety and we take medication to keep it under control. If I don't take my pills I can catch anxiety faster than a grown man can drink a bottle of water after finishing a 2 hour game of basketball.

 After taking my pills my breathing calmed down but I was still crying my eyes out. I laid back down on Chris bed and cuddled with his pillow. I can't believe the suffered so much from my selfishness. I don't know what I would do if anything bad happen to Mya or Sasha them girls the only ones that kept me from self-harming myself. I can't even begin to feel how they felt, all I can do is say sorry and pray they forgive me.

 After about another ten minutes of laying in the same spot crying my eyes out Chris walked in and stopped dead in his tracks when he seen the state I was in. He rushed right over to be a kept asking what’s the matter. But I couldn't talk I could do was cry and hold on to him tighter.

 "Calm down baby and tell me what happened that has you crying like someone just died."

 What he said made me cry header for the simple fact that Mya and Sasha thought I was dead and Sasha probably still does.

“Oh my god baby did someone in your family die”

 I finally gained enough composure to muster up words to say.

“No five years ago I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving me, my mother, and Kai just up and left without a trace, my cousin saw you post a picture of me so she followed me then Dm me telling me how they thought I was dead and how she made herself sick over me and how I’m a bad person.” I manage to get out through my tears and loud sobs.

Chris didn’t respond he just let me cry myself into a deep sleep

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- Chris -

Damn I feel for Yazmin but then again that’s fucked up how she just left and didn’t tell the people close to her I would have did the same thing her cousin did , but I’m not going to tell Yaz that. I don’t know but maybe I can get in touch with her cousin and fly her out here for a little reunion.

I wouldn’t do anything if that means Yaz will be happy. I climbed out of my bed and walked downstairs to Mijo and Keeis talking about football.

"Ya niggas still here?”

"Nigga don’t even try to play us like that, because we always here"

“He get his little family and forget about us uhh keeis “Mijo laughed

I flicked them off and laid across my chair just as the doorbell wrong. I got up from the chair and asked who it is. Once none answered I opened the door and regretted it instantly.

“Kae bruh what are you doing here”

“Are you forgetting just last month this was my house too don’t get cute and let me in before my hair get wet from all this rain"

I didn’t even notice it was raining until she said something. I stepped aside and let her walk in I just hope Yaz don't walk down these steps because I really don’t need that right not.

I followed her into the living room and the boys looked at me and her like we some freak show. I slumped back down on the chair and waited for her to say why she came here.

“So you really playing house with this little thot wow Chris you must be going do something if you really think she's better than me , you know you love me and me only , plus when did you start liking dark-skinned girls"

Truth be told I still do love Karreuche but it’s like I don’t feel the same type of love for her like I once did.

“Are you going to respond to me or are you going to continue looking dumb”

I sighed then shook my head at this little as girl in front of me.

"What do you want me to say? Do I Love you? Of course I still love you, but I’m don’t with you all in one. And whatever is going on between me and Yazmin has nothing to do with you so why are you so worried"

“Wow just wow Chris after everything we been through you’re going to through it all way over something so stupid?”

“Yup " was all I could say

She looked at me one last time before walking away and slamming my front door. Keeis and Mijo just looked at me shook they head then turned back around.

“Lock up when ya leave I’m going to bed we shooting the video tomorrow”

“Alight but did you find they leading lady yet?” Keeis asked

“Yup”

“Who is it then nigga “Mijo Laughed

“Yazmin"

With that being my last words I walked up stairs and climbed in the bed next to Yazmin and drifted of to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be long and interesting.

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Boring ?? Sorry You guys I just really wanted to update so you guys wouldnt forget about me lol.

But Comment and Vote Please !!