Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Thirteen

Dear Diary

October 11th, 2012

I woke up with a chill and I hugged the blankets tighter to myself, not wanting to get up. Today was the funeral for Ellie and I didn't want to go, I didn't want to sing but I knew Ellie would have wanted me to. I just laid there looking up at the ceiling trying to clear my head and stop thinking for a while. So I picked up my phone and looked at pictures. Then my alarm went off and I knew I'd have to get ready soon.

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red and it was almost as if my heart hurt. My throat was sore and dry from crying. I didn't want to cry anymore, I wanted to be happy again. I put on my wig and straightened it before making a waterfall braid. I wanted everything to be perfect because Ellie deserved so much more then that. I put on a black dress, it had a scoop neck, quarter length sleeves and it ended right above my knees.

I put in small diamond earrings and fixed the cross necklace around my neck. I hadn't taken it off since Nathan gave it to me and I didn't plan on taking it off. I did my makeup slowly putting color back into my face. I tried to smile but it just didn't feel right so I went into the hallway and took a look at myself in the long mirror. I looked so skinny, the dress used to fit to my curves but now it was hanging. I heard someone behind me and I turned around and saw Matt. "Hey sis."

We have been spending so much time away from each other lately and it felt like I hadn't seen him in years. We used to do everything together, Matt, Tristan and I, the three musketeers. He came closer and I wrapped my arms around his waist. "I love you Matty." I murmured but I knew he heard me. I couldn't cry not now, he was wearing a white dress shirt and I didn't want to ruin it.

"We should get going, Mom is meeting us there as well as Nathan, because his Dad and Ethan are going to be there also. Do you need your guitar or are you going to use the piano?" I thought about it but chose the guitar because that was what Ellie heard me play. I was worried about meeting Nathan's Dad, it was a nerve racking feeling because I had really never had a Dad. When I walked down the stairs I saw Mom, see looked good and sober, it made me feel happy.

Tristan handed Matt his jacket and then took my hand. "You look pretty." Tristan told me and I smiled. At first I was going to fight but I decided not to, I needed someone's touch. In the car I didn't talk I just focused on not getting sick. I looked around the parking lot and saw about 20 people walking in. I felt nervous just thinking about speaking in front of everyone. Then I spotted Nathan leaning against the wall of the church waiting for me.

"You look beautiful." I put my head on his shoulder and I noticed that with my high heels on he was only a foot taller then me. I put my arms around him and then Matt laid his hand on my back, telling me it was time to go in. Nathan walked behind me with his hands on my hips and I wondered if he was ok being here. I saw Ethan and a man with him that I suspected was his father sitting down in one of the pews.

"Darcy, if you wouldn't mind, we'd like you to come up and sit with the family." I looked back at Nathan and he nodded, saying it was alright. "Nathan dear, you can come too." She said giving me a small smile and Nathan and I sat in the front row. He kissed my cheek lightly and put his arm around my waist pulling me closer towards him. They had her picture up on the stage and just seeing that made tears stream down my face. I nuzzled my face into his neck and kept it there until Ellie's Mom called me up onto the stage.

"Now a girl who was there for Ellie even when I couldn't be. Her name is Darcy, and I've asked her to sing a song for us." Nathan got up so I could get up and I walked up onto the stage, deciding there that I would play piano and not guitar. I rubbed my palms on the bottom of my dress and then took a deep breath. I looked over at Nathan and then started to play, 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne.