Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Dear Diary

January, 17th 2013

7 Days Ago

I looked up at him and he looked down at me sympathetically. Then he rubbed my arms trying his best to keep me warm without going inside out of the snow and cold. "I don't know what to do. I can't go behind his back." I began to slide the ring off my finger but Nathan stopped me sliding it back down. "No keep it, as a promise, that I'll always love you because Darcy I always will."

He walked me over to the front door and kissed the top of my head before letting me go inside. "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow." Nathan smiled and I locked the door after closing it behind me.

~ ~ ~

I woke up and Nathan wasn't there like he was when I went to sleep. I sat up slowly feeling my bones ache a little. The last few days have gone by fast, faster then I wanted them to go. "Hey sis you're up." Matt ran into my room and jumped up on the bed beside me like we were small kids again. He put his hands on me and tickled my sides making me laugh. "There's that smile. Well I'm off to school, I just wanted to come in and check on you."

"Wait Matt I want to come." Matt gave me the look, it said something around the lines of don't push it. "Matty." I said pulling him about around to face me. He just frowned, I knew he wasn't going to give in. "Ok I'll stay here, I just don't like being alone all day that's all."

"You're not going to be, you and Nathan are going to have a romantic day out at the cottage." That was something I never thought would be coming out of Matt's mouth and my jaw dropped a little bit. "I know, I feel like I'm letting my baby sister go have sex." I just stared at him and coughed trying to cover up my laughter. "I'm going to go now, I'll see you later." He turned away and went out my bedroom door. "Love you sis!"

I fell back on my bed and pulled my blanket up around me. Seconds later the door squeaked open and I looked up at Nathan. He smiled and laid down beside me. "Hey baby girl; Are you alright?" I nodded and put my head against his chest taking a deep breath. "We can stay here if you want to... If you want to sleep." I looked up at him and kissed his soft lips with passion.

"No I want to go, for today I'm not sick, it's just you and me ok?" He nodded and kissed my forehead lightly. "Can I just go in these?" I asked pointing down at my pyjamas.

"Sure." Nate took my hands and helped me out of bed. His lips touched mine and then he pulled me into a hug. "I'm not that great at this pretending thing." Nate just stood there holding onto me, like it would be the last time he'd ever touch me. He was right he wasn't good at pretending, but I knew he was trying. I knew he wouldn't be able to forget I was sick because I knew it was all that was on his mind.

"Let's go..." I took his hand and pulled him along behind me down the stairs. "I love you, you know that right?" I asked as I put on my shoes and grabbed one of his sweaters for me to wear. Nathan just looked at me and then ran his hand across my cheek.

"I really don't want you to go Darcy; I want you to be with me forever. I want you to come to my prom, I want to go off to college together, then get married and have kids, and then grow old together. I wish we could Darcy, if I could have anything that's what I'd ask for... It's all I want. I know we've only known each other for a short time but I feel like I've known you forever... Please just don't leave me." By the end he was whispering and holding back tears.

I put my hands on his waist and then ran my hand through his hair. "I want that too Nate, I really do and I am so sorry that I can't... But you will someday Nathan, I promise. You will kind someone again who you can open up to, and fall head over heels for. Then you'll get married and have kids..." I looked into his tear filled eyes. "You just got to let yourself be happy." I wiped away the tears that fell and then let go of his hands. "Well that's enough of this conversation for today. Let's get going."

In the car we were silent and I just held his hand and listened to the radio. It was an hour's drive and by the time we got there it was two o'clock in the afternoon. We walked inside together and I saw lit candles scattered across the floor. "Did you-?" I asked speechless and Nathan just stared down at me smiling.

"I know you haven't had anything to eat so there's some stuff we can microwave in the fridge." My jaw dropped and Nathan smiled even brighter. "Matt and Reese set it up for me while I completed school work I'm going to be missing for the next little while." Then when I finally smiled Nathan pulled out a chair for me to sit in. "I'm going to be with you every second, every step of the way, I promise." I knew when he said it he meant it and it made me feel sad, I just didn't want to hurt him.

We finished eating a while later and when we got up Nathan pushed me back onto the bed and kissed me. I felt my hand go up his shirt and my stomach clenched but I ignored it. I moaned under my breath, and tugged at Nathan's shirt until he pulled it over his head. Nathan's hands trailed up my bare back and then he threw my wig to the end of the bed. "So beautiful." He mumbled, but I was still hesitant about him seeing me. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm." Nathan moved me back further and positioned himself between my legs. Right then my stomach lurched and I knew what was going to happen. I pushed Nate off of me with all the strength I had in me and he stumbled backwards. I ran into the bathroom and tried to shut the door behind me but I didn't have time. Blood, that's what came out when I bent down by the toilet, and I could hear footsteps behind me. "Nate..." I murmured and then his hands were on my back.

"I'm here baby girl." I threw up again and Nathan put his chest against my back, moving me closer to him. "Shh... You're ok, I'm here." I finally felt good enough to sit back onto him. "I'm going to carry you to bed ok?" Before I could even protest Nathan cut me off. "Jut humour me alright?" I sighed and he carried my back to the bedroom that was basically in the middle of the kitchen. With one hand he held onto me and with the other he pulled back the covers so he could tuck me in.

"Can you get me some water?" I asked quietly and Nate just nodded. He came back with a cup and helped me sit up. "Thank you..." I leaned on his shoulder and yawned. "Love you." Nathan pushed me down so that I was lying down on his shoulder and right when I was about to close my eyes he spoke.

"What's it going to be like Darcy?" He asked and I looked up into his eyes, wondering if I was right about what I thought he meant. "What's it going to be like to die?"

"As the weeks pass I will begin spending more time asleep then awake. Then one day I just won't wake up. It won't be painful, I'll be on morphine and other painkillers. I want you to be there but you don't have to, if you don't want to watch me die you don't have to, I won't be mad." I put my hand carefully on his cheek, and then kissed his lips.

"No I said I would be with you every second, through all of this and I meant it. I'm not leaving you Darcy." He said sternly and I sighed. "I'm sorry, I just... I'm not leaving you, I promise you that." We stayed in silence and I rolled sideways onto him. "Go to sleep if you want to." Nathan said quietly and then brushed his hand over my stomach making butterflies. I closed my eyes and let sleep in.

I woke up what seemed like an hour later but when I opened my eyes I realized I had slept a lot longer then that. It was early in the morning and I slipped the covers off me feeling the cold cottage air hit my skin. I took Nathan's sweater that was in a pile on the floor and put it over me. In the bathroom I splashed my face with water and then walked back into the kitchen. Nathan was still asleep sprawled across the bed, he looked cute and peaceful, so I didn't want to wake him.

I put on some coffee and as it brewed I put my wig back on, feeling weird without it. When the coffee was done I poured a cup and held it in front of Nathan's nose. "That smells really good." He mumbled and sat up so he could drink it. "Thank you. How long have you been up?" I sat down on the edge of the bed beside him and he put his hand on my thigh.

"Just about 15 minutes." I took a sip from Nathan's cup and laid back onto the back board. Than Nathan's arm slipped around my waist and I put my head on his shoulder. I turned to look at the clock and as I did my stomach growled.

"I'm going to make you something to eat and then we are going to have to go." Nathan said getting up from the bed. He cracked eggs on the frying pan and they quickly cooked. "Alright here you go." He put the plate in front of me and I suddenly felt queasy but I ate it anyway, knowing he'd be worried if I didn't.

"Thanks." I said as I walked over to the sink and started to fill it with water. I squirted in some soap and watched the bubbles begin to rise to the edge. Nathan stuck his hands in grabbing as many bubbles as he could and then he blew them at my face. "Oh my god!" I yelled, caught by surprise and then I took the sprayer spraying Nathan so that every inch of his shirt was covered in water. It was almost as if I could see the droplets running down the fabric that was plastered to his skin.

He looked beautiful and it was like I was watching him in slow motion as he flipped his hair over to one side. I lost control of my legs and was pulled towards him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he closed the distance between us. His tongue danced in my mouth and I smiled feeling him smile too. Then everything just came to a slowing stop and I just stared up into his blue eyes. Nathan cleared his throat and quickly began to speak. "We should go now."

After grabbing some new clothes for us both we loaded up his truck and drove home. Nathan brought a blanket for me and I clung to it as he drove. "I had fun, thanks for this Nathan."

"I had fun too." He said and took a quick glace towards me before looking back at the road. "I love you." Nathan kissed my hand and then we stayed silent for the rest of the ride. When we pulled in the driveway he came around and opened my door like a gentlemen. "I have to go home but I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded and he pecked my lips.

I watched his car drive away and then I went inside to spend some quality time with my brother.