Teen dad (a larry stylinson fanfiction)

chapter 29 -Wake me up when this nightmare ends

a/n i am in a writing mood today so i have got alot of chapters out... if you thought last chapter was sad this one is going to be worse just warning you...sorrry if i have to do this to you!! i cried when writing this chapter so...

I was broken beyond repair. I was depressed and mad i could barely think straight i got wierd thoughts at night i dreamnt of Jasmine, though it had been 5 days since i have seen her and it is aching me, Louis and Eleanor's wedding has gone viral eeryone knows about it. 

Louis best day of his life is coming and it would be my worst day. I felt so bad about myself, i felt like there was nothing good in the world anymore. I was depressed and i did not want to live anymore i did not want to live to see Louis marry Eleanor because then i would not have faith in the world anymore, because the world would not condone true love. 

As Louis said in my dream the only way we can be together if we aren't alive, maybe then i would be with Jasmine. I see them both in my dreams lately and they are the symbols of happiness. 

Alot has happened in the past year depsite all the negatives i am glad me and louis admited our love for each other because i know now that someone did love me for a short time. I am glad i accidently had sex with paige and had jasmine because she represents all things good in the world, i wish there were more jasmine's in the world.

'he didn't use to love you he still loves you,'  a voice in my head says, these voices come in my head more frequently and i am scared because i dont know how to stop them i shake more often and i feel like i am falling more often, the voices scare me expecially the ones at night the ones that say i should kill myself...

I don't tell Gemma because if it tell Gemma she will try and get me help and i dont want help i want my depression to take over. I wanted to be incontrol of my mind. 

on twitter there was a trend that said

#elounerengagedlarryisbullshit

Louis told everyone secretly that Jasmine had been taken away from me, he did not do it to shame me he did it so I people could help me. 

i didn't want help i didn't want anyone to pretend that everything was okay, i wanted to dissapear for a long time...a very long time. 

Gemma was scared about me, i stole her key to my apartment so she couldn't get it...I locked myself in my room and played

'wake me up when september ends' on repeat by green day, even though it was september i switched september with 'louis' marriage', i spent all day listening to this song and taking drugs. 

i ignored every knock on my door, everyone was worried about me i spent 2 days staying in my room with the lights dimmed off being depresesed. 

I don't take my depression tablets anymore i don't want anything to help my depression. 

I didn't take any phonecalls but kept my livingroom light on so people didn't think i was dead. though that was what my mind was pushing me to go. 

I secretly escaped my flat to watch Jasmine got to preschool, i hid behind the wall just to see her face, she seemed to be happy enough. once she almost saw me, i secretly wanted her to see me but she wans't allowed to, the foster  home people grabbed her hands and took her back. 

She always wore the heart pendant which i was happy about. I wanted to hug her once more, seeing her behind the wall was not enough but i had to stay there i was forbidden to see my own daughter. 

It was January 22nd a night before Louis and eleanor's  wedding, i had been invited, i wasn't planning to go i hadn't seen anyone since the night of the annonuncement of the wedding i was too broken to and i didn't want their sympathy because they foudn out about jasmine. I prefered being on my own. Louis sent me a text message which he asked to be his best man.