On Mental Illness

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trigger warning (but a happy ending)

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I can't take it anymore
– this chokingly heavy beast crawling up my throat
It's long, dagger-claws ripping at the fabric of my very being

I can't exist anymore without this everlasting headache
Without this anxious waiting that always befalls me
With every little misfortune that builds and builds

Until the dam breaks
Until a scream rips through my lungs
Until the tears pour down my face

I won't let it take me – won't let its toxic grip take hold of my heart
and squeeze it 'til it bursts and splatters red life substance
across every surface and creature I've touched

But it's squeezing...it's definitely squeezing
and clawing, and growling, and choking me from the inside
There's this internal bleeding I like to call heartache filling up my insides

Cuz that's the thing about chemical imbalances
They form and they take over every system
until the human psyche is sent into maximum overdrive

And on days where one does nothing
but lie on carpet floors listening to nostalgic songs
The imbalances cause the shadows to return to one's thoughts

But it's a battle worth fighting if I get to see the sunrise one day
If I can last long enough to have fun again, to fall in love, to achieve my dreams
I'll keep swallowing the scary things in my head for the happiness of tomorrow

Friends. Their laughter.
Family. Their smiles.
Nature. Its endless hope.

That's what keeps me going.

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