Suffocating

Two Handfuls(Trigger)

Calvin.

Ashley stopped by during lunch to check on Calvin. He hadn't heard her coming but when she started pounding on the bathroom door, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Calvin, open the door."

"Damn, Ash. I'm in the freaking shower."

"Open the door."

"I'm naked. Can't you come back a little later?"

"I'm not asking you again." She yelled. Her voice was shaky but her confidence was there. She wasn't going to leave until that door was opened. Or lying on the floor.

Calvin rolled his eyes and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around his waist and unlocked the door. "Happy now?"

"Why did you have the door locked?"

"So that perverts like you can't just storm in on me naked."

She glared at him.

He sighed and leaned against the door. "Why are you in such a pissy mood?"

"Sophie got suspended today."

His eyebrows rose. Sophie wasn't the type of person to get in trouble over anything. The only time was because of him and she didn't even get into any trouble. Whatever she did this time had to have been good.

"She punched Rachel Ware in the face."

He grinned. Rachel deserved a good hit to knock some sense into her brain. "Good."

"No, not good. She's suspended and Mr. Vance is pretty pissed at her."

"Why?"

"She only punched Rachel because of you and Mr. Vance told her she should find better friends to be around. So she told him off."

Maybe he was right. If Calvin had never met Sophie, she wouldn't have hit Rachel. She wouldn't have been in any trouble.

"Is something going on between you two? Did you two break up?"

"What? No. We're fine."

"Sophie's not fine. If you would have been at school, you'd know that." She turned and walked down the hall without another word. It was clear she was pissed at him. She even sounded worried about Sophie. But why would she care about Calvin's girlfriend?

Calvin stared after her, his hands curled into fists. He was ruining Sophie's life. He ruined everyone's. He was the only messed up kid at the school. The only kid to make the school look bad over a failed suicide. He couldn't even kill himself the right way.

He'd be damned if he let that happen again.

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Calvin's parents were idiots. They didn't hide their pills well at all. He found a large bag of them under their bed along with other bottles in their bathroom drawers. If they didn't want him to kill himself again, why didn't they put in any effort to hide the pills?

Calvin rolled his eyes and dumped the bottles on his bed. There were several for high blood pressure, some for pain, some for the flu his mother had had years before. He separated the pain pills from the others and opened all of them, dumping them into his palms. He had two handfuls of pills just staring at him. Waiting. Waiting for him to take them and be happy again. Everyone would be happy again.

Sophie would understand. Not at first but over time. He was doing it for her. She could focus on her own life, her own problems, her own future. Calvin wouldn't have a future and he didn't want one. He didn't want people to constantly worry about him and if he was going to hurt himself. He didn't like putting the burden on anyone. He wanted Sophie to stop worrying.

He took one handful and swallowed them dry. It was stupid but walking all the way to the kitchen for a glass of water seemed stupid. It would only take up more time. Time Calvin didn't want anymore.

He took the other handful and sat against the bed. His breaths were even, calm. He wasn't scared or sad or angry anymore. He didn't hate anyone for ruining his life because it was his fault. Only his fault.

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into... forever. Calvin had no idea what time it was or why his room was spinning. He didn't know why the floor was so close to his eyes or why there was vomit all over his chest. He didn't understand why his chest hurt.

He didn't know Ashley turned around.

He didn't know Ashley's car was in the driveway.

He didn't know her tears dripped onto his face.

He didn't know.