stay with me

Chapter 14

Grey:

After Hunter left last night I sat on my couch unable to move. I wasn't sure what just happened or how I should feel about it. We kissed. It was a wonderful beautiful moment that we shared. There was no denying that but I'm not sure I should have allowed it to happen in the first place.

What did this mean now for us? Did we pretend like it never happened or is he now going to want to take me on a date or something? I was in way over my head. I liked Hunter and there was definitely an unexplainable pull between us but I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Jason. I had agreed to marry him. I know his death technically makes that promise go away but it didn't really. Not to me at least. If he was alive we would still be together. I'm sure of that but he isn't still here and he wanted me to live my life. Before he died he made me promise I would and I was trying but it was hard.

I wanted to make him proud but would he really be proud of me for kissing another guy? I doubted it. The idea that he was up in heaven and saw what just happened between Hunter and I was killing me. I started to cry just thinking about it. God, I missed him so much. I needed him here with me.

Jason wasn't the only problem here I also had Hunter to think about of course. I cared about him. I could no longer pretend that I didn't but was I really what he needed right now? Could I ever really be with someone ever again? I wasn't sure I could. He was a great guy but I also knew that he was hiding something. I couldn't blame him I was hiding things too but what if I tried this and then found out his secret and it completely destroyed me. I was already in bad shape and broken pretty much beyond repair. How much more could I take?

Luckily I was able to avoid Sam by the time she came home. I pretended I was sleeping because I knew she would have been able to tell I had been crying and I didn't feel like explaining what happened. Not yet. I wasn't ready. I needed to take time and deal with this on my own.

Once Sam left again to go out for the night I decided to order in food and have a movie marathon. I needed to relax and get out of my own head. Hopefully this would help distract me.

A whole lot of junk food and three movies later I decided to call it a night. It was two in the morning and I was feeling pretty worn out. The movies didn't distract me as well as I hoped but they did help.

When I woke the next morning I was dripping in sweat and gasping for air. I was panicking. My nightmare was different last night. I didn't just dream about the accident and losing Jason. I dreamt about Hunter as well. I lost him too. He didn't die but when I told him the truth he left without saying a word and I was broken once again.

Originally last night I was planning on texting Hunter so we could possibly meet up and talk later today but now I knew that I shouldn't do that. I should let him go for both our sakes. I wasn't ready for this. I knew that now.

I would take a few days and then maybe talk to him about this and tell him I want us just to be friends. I hope that's enough for him. If it's not he'll walk away for good and that would be for the best. I would let him go completely if that is what he wants.

I'm sitting in the living room when Sam comes out of her bedroom. Surprisingly she isn't hungover. She seems bright and happy as she makes her way over to me and plops herself down on the couch.

"Good morning" I say.

"Good morning" she answers me back. "Nate's coming to visit on Friday" she says after a moment out of nowhere and I'm a little shocked.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh you heard me" she says. "I figured you'd be happy. He is our best friend."