stay with me

Chapter 21

Grey:

I wake the next morning like I always do, gasping for air. I pray I wasn't screaming because I don't want my parents coming in here to check on me. They think the nightmares are going away and I want it to stay that way. I'm suddenly thankful for the rather large house we live in now because my room is far away from theirs, hopefully my screams didn't carry that far.

I roll over to see the time and of course it's ridiculously early, even earlier than I normally wake up. It's only 4:00 in the morning. I'm sure my nearly four hour nap in the car didn't really help my inability to be able to sleep at night. I sigh as I drag myself out of bed and start getting dressed to go for a run. My parents most likely won't wake up for another three to four hours but I'll leave them a note just in case. I don't want them to worry.

As I step out of my house I'm immediately enveloped in cold air and darkness. I close my eyes and breathe in the cold morning air and I mentally prepare myself for the day. You can do this I hear Jason whisper encouragingly and I shiver. When he was alive he believed I could do anything. He told me everyday how strong and incredible I was and when I was with him I felt that way. I wonder what he would say if he could see me now, if he could see the way I fell apart after I lost him. Would he still tell me I'm strong?

I think of Hunter and how he looks at me like I'm strong and I smile. I like the way he looks at me. It makes me feel stronger, like maybe I can survive this and that maybe one day I can be strong again like I used to be. I begin running and it's hard to see on my dark street and most girls would probably be scared and creeped out but I'm not. I like that we don't have neighbors and that it's hidden away from the town that sees me as the girl who watched her boyfriend die in a horrific car accident and then tried to kill herself. It's one of the reasons I picked this secluded mansion.

I let my mind wander as I run and I think about how I'm going to see my sister today. I smile. She is actually one of the only people in my life who doesn't treat me like I'm going to break. She still treats me like her sister. We still fight and joke with another. I like being around her. She makes me feel normal.

Sam is like a sister to me and I love her but sometimes I catch her staring at me like I'm broken, like I'm not the same girl she grew up with for years. I suppose in a way I'm not but that doesn't mean I want to be treated differently by the people I love. For the most part though she does still treat me like her best friend and like nothing has changed but every now and then she has a her weak moments. I guess we all do. I know it's only because she cares about me.

I then think about how I'll probably have to see Jason's parents. They will most likely want to see me or at least feel like they should reach out to me. I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I think about them. I do miss them. They were like another set of parents to me while Jason and I were together and even after he died they were there for me and helped out with the lawsuit and made sure I got the settlement they felt I deserved. Jason's parents are lawyers, very good lawyers, so when we found out that the drunk driver who hit Jason and I and left us for dead was a billionaire, they made damn sure they were going to make him pay. That's how I ended up with 25 million dollars and as if that wasn't enough money to take care of me for everyday for the rest of my life Jason's parents decided to give me 25 million of the 75 million they were awarded and then they donated another 25 million of it to various charities in Jason's name. They were amazing people. I tried to tell them I didn't need the money but when they told me that Jason would want me to have it, that he would want to know that I was taken care of, I couldn't refuse. Every month though I did donate 5,000 dollars to a charity of my choosing. I didn't need all that money. It's not like it would ever bring Jason back.

I look down at the device on my arm which tells me how long and how far I've been running and I see that I have been running for 36 minutes and that I have run 4.5 miles. I'm not tired yet but I figure its best I turn around and head home so I have enough energy for the return trip.