stay with me

Chapter 38

Grey:

A week has gone by since I found out Hunter left. A part of me still can't believe that I'll never see him again. I guess in a way my heart hasn't given up hope yet just like it has never given up hope of seeing Jason again one day. My heart was an idiot.

I've been focusing on school and getting back into my music and drawing just like I said I would. It feels good to be doing the things that I love again. I'm even thinking about going out for the soccer team in the fall. It's time I started living my life again. It's what Jason would want and it's what I want too.

I'm sitting at my desk and I have a pen in my hand and a blank sheet of paper in front of me. I decided on writing this letter yesterday. I feel like I need to write it but as I look at the paper in front of me I don't know what to say. There is just so much. I have so much left to say. So much I need to tell him but I'll never get to. Unless I can write this letter. I can only hope that once I write it he'll actually read it.

After several hours of sitting there staring at the blank paper my hand begins to write and once it does the words just flow from me endlessly. I don't hold back. I say everything that I have wanted to say to him. I imagine he's here listening to me as I write. I let out all my anger and resentment. I let out how much I hate him for leaving and how much I miss him. I even let out how much I still love him.

Once I'm done I look at the letter and I read it over and over making sure I have said everything that I need to say. These may be the last words I every "say" to him. I want this to be perfect. This letter isn't a way for me to get him back. He's made it perfectly clear he does not want me to fight for him. That he doesn't love me. This letter is my way of saying thank you and goodbye. I need the closure. Once I'm satisfied that it is complete I put it in an envelope and then I head over to Daniel's apartment.

"Grey?" Daniel says as he opens his door. It's clear he wasn't expecting me. I haven't seen him since he told Sam and me that Hunter left.

"Hey" I say quietly. "Can I come in?" I ask after a moment.

"Sure. Of course" he says as he steps aside. "What's up?" he asks as we sit on his couch.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Sure what is it?"

"Could you mail this for me?" I ask as I pull the letter out of my bag. He gives a questioningly look. "It's for Hunter" I explain. "I know you probably know his address and that's fine. You don't have to tell me. I want to respect his privacy but I just need you to get this letter to him wherever he is."

He studies me for a moment probably trying to decide whether or not I'm unstable and becoming a stalker. I don't care though. I'm about to explain how this letter is just my way of getting closure but he stops me before I can.

"Sure thing" he says as he takes the letter from me.

"Thank you" I tell him gratefully. I stand up and start to walk out since our business is over and there is no need for me to linger here.

"Grey?" Daniel calls to me.

"Yea?" I say as I turn back to look at him.

"Hunter's my friend but that doesn't mean I agree with his choices. I think he messed up a really good thing with you and to be honest I think he left because he thinks he's too messed up for you."

I stare back at him for a moment and cling to his words. They are words I once believed myself. Let it go I tell myself. I can't cling to things that have no hope. I'll only get hurt.

"Hunter left because he doesn't love me" I say giving Daniel a sad smile. The words hurt as I say them out loud but I want him to know he shouldn't feel like he has to lie to make me feel better. I turn back around and start towards the door when I'm stopped by him again.

"He told me once he didn't deserve you. He was drunk so he probably doesn't remember but I do and the look in his eye told me he truly believed that. I saw the way he looked at you. He was mesmerized by you. He might not have been able to admit it but he cared about you more than you know."

I close my eyes as I feel a tear slip out. I want to believe him because he sounds so sincere and his words touch my heart but I can't. I made peace with this. I was moving on. I had to. But as I walked out of the apartment without another word I felt hope spring up from deep inside me once again.