Outcasts

Chapter 7. (!)

— Alyssa's POV —

There's been times in my life where I really wish I would just shut the fuck up, and last night was one of them. If I didn't tell her I was a virgin, we wouldn't have stopped when we did, and I wouldn't have been a needy mess for the rest of the night. And sadly, because this isn't my house, I couldn't exactly go off into the bathroom and deal with the burning between my thighs.

All night kissing Scarlotte was the only thing on my mind, we watched movie after movie, eating snacks amongst each other, and ordered pizza when it got too late to cook.

As we were settling down in bed for the night, her hand was placed at my jaw, her thumb stroking my cheek and I swear in that moment I thought I would turn into a puddle of goo.

She gave me a slight kiss in her own way of saying goodnight and then laid in my arms, and all I could think about is how peaceful I was as I closed my eyes.

And now it's morning, the curtains are closed so it's still pretty dark in Scar's room, and the perfect girl in my arms is still sleeping.

The last thing I want is to disrupt her, but if we miss first period today, I fear we'll be in quite some trouble. I sit up slowly, laying Scar's head on her pillow, and I grab my phone out of my bag.

06:08

Jesus, it's so early, not even the birds are awake yet. I curse myself, laying back down with a huff, rolling my eyes. I can't believe I woke up so early, I really thought we might've slept in.

Every morning for the past three years has been the same. I wake up for school in my own bed, usually by my mothers screams telling me it's time for breakfast. I get ready for school, I either shower one day or hurt myself the next, and then I pack my bag and go on with my life.

It's different being pulled out of that routine completely. I'm missing home, and my urges to self harm are getting stronger. I haven't done it in almost a week, I'm trying to stop, but it's harder than I thought.

Scarlotte's words laid with me quite heavily after we opened up that one night. I tried to stop that week but could only last a couple days. This is the longest I've gone without it so far, and because it's been part of my day to day life for years, it feels like a part of me is missing.

"What's got you so angry?" Scarlotte's grumbles, her morning voice coming through with a husk. "Are you still pissed about last night?"

"No, no, no. Not at all, just go back to sleep, I'm fine." I tell her, laying to face her and she hums, her eyes fall closed once again. I purse my lips, looking for an escape route.

"It's very easy to tell when you're lying." She takes my arm, holding pressure to my wrist, almost squeezing it and I look over at her. "You're very easy to read."

"I'm fine."

"This helping?" She asks, and I can only nod in reply, tears springing to my eyes. "It's not like the real thing, I'm aware, but it can give you some relief."

"It does." I say, biting my lip. "I am okay, it's just hard some mornings. I'm not used to it."

"And that's okay, you're doing amazing, my love, honestly, I'm so proud of you." She lays a kiss on my scars, and my heart melts in the moment. "Do you wanna talk it out?"