One of Two // JJ Maybank

filler

walking home with jj, i felt like i was in a daze, unable to comprehend the explosion that had torn through my world. his arm around me offered some solace as we trudged back to john b's place. once inside, jj guided me to the couch, where i sank down, my gaze fixed on the floor. sarah was nowhere to be found, and it was topper, not john b, who was offering her comfort.

i watched as jj fetched a bottle of water and some crackers, but my appetite was nonexistent. "i'm not hungry," i muttered.

he shook his head, placing the provisions in my lap. "you need to eat, spencer," jj insisted firmly, settling down beside me. wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, i leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.

as i lay there, the weight of the situation crashed down on me. my dad was gone, with his boat destroyed. sarah and i are essentially homeless. tears streaked my face, smearing my makeup. i sniffled, seeking refuge in jj's comforting presence. "what am i going to do?" i whispered, the uncertainty of the future looming large.

"you got us." jj's voice was steady, his arm a reassuring weight around my shoulders.

i couldn't hold it in anymore. "my dad's the one who took out john b's old man. don't even get me started on rafe, that lunatic tried to kill me and sarah, and he killed peterkin. and now... now my dad's gone," tears streamed down my face, each word heavy with the weight of our shared history. "i'm just so exhausted, jj. you can't even begin to understand."

jj sat there, silent but present, his eyes reflecting the turmoil within me. "i just..." i began, the emotion threatening to swallow me whole.

"what?" jj's interruption was sharp, cutting through the haze of my thoughts.

"i've been wrestling with us, with what we are, and i just..." my voice faltered, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on me. "i just don't think now's the right time."

confusion clouded jj's features, his brow furrowing in concern. "what're you saying, spencer?" he asked, reaching out as if to steady me.

i pulled away, the tears blurring my vision. "we're together, but it's like we're drifting further apart every day," i confessed, the heaviness of the truth settling between us. "i want you, jj, more than anything, but right now, i think i need to figure things out on my own. i'm drowning in all of this, and i think i need to find my own way back to the surface."

jj remained silent, his expression a mix of emotions as he let me pour out my heart. "when john b, sarah, and i got back from nassau, it was like we couldn't catch a break," i continued, my voice trembling with the weight of my words. "all you and i did was fight. constantly. you got pissed because i left with my sister. i thought, out of everyone, you would understand."

the memories flooded back, the tension between us palpable in the air. it was like no matter what we did, we just couldn't seem to see eye to eye. and now, in the aftermath of everything that had happened, it felt like we were standing on the edge of a precipice, unsure of which way to turn.

jj's silence stretched between us, his jaw tensing as he struggled to find the right words. "i..." he started, his voice strained with emotion. "i can't... i can't just let you walk away like this."

his words hit me like a slap, the hurt and anger in his tone cutting deep. "jj, i..." i started, but he cut me off, his tone sharp and tinged with sorrow.

"no, spence, you don't get to just run away," he spat out, his eyes flashing with barely contained emotion. "your dad's gone, i get it. but that doesn't mean you get to leave everything behind. we're supposed to be in this together, remember?"

the weight of his words bore down on me, the sting of his hurt and frustration like a knife to the heart. "jj, i'm sorry," i whispered, the tears stinging my eyes. "but i can't do this right now. i need time to figure things out."

his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his voice thick with sadness and anger. "damn it, spencer," he muttered, his voice breaking. "you can't just leave me like this."

ignoring jj's pleas echoing in the rain-soaked night, i grabbed my backpack and stepped out into the downpour. the cold droplets mingled with tears streaming down my face, blurring the world around me. but still, i  walked on, each step heavy with the weight of my decision.

"spencer, please!" jj's voice cut through the storm, raw with desperation. he caught up to me, his hand reaching out to grab mine, pleading for me to stay.

but i couldn't. not now. not when my heart was torn between the past and the uncertain future. "i have to do this," i whispered, the rain masking the tears rolling down my cheeks. "for me. for us."

with a heavy heart, i pulled away from his touch, leaving him standing in the rain as i disappeared into the night, alone with my thoughts and the echoes of our shattered dreams.