Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

71. Don't leave us

Robin's POV

'No!' Felicia yelled. 'You can't go yet! You have to stay!'

She was clinging onto Robin, preventing him from going to the hallway and getting his shoes and jacket on.

'Felicia,' Peter said, trying to get her away from him, but her grip was like iron. 'Felicia, Robin has his own life too. And he'll come back one day. Just not today.'

'No, I don't believe you,' Felicia said. 'You say that all the time, but you don't even believe it yourself. You miss him too. You're sad all the time, just like when mommy died. I don't understand. If he's not dead, why can't he be with us?'

Robin was frozen in place, struggling against the lump in his throat.

'Why do you have to stay away?' Felicia asked him. 'Why can't you stay with us, like before? Do you hate us?'

'No, no,' Robin crouched down, cupping her face. 'How could I hate you, little sunshine?'

'But you h-hate daddy,' Felicia sobbed. 'He's much happier when you're here, but you keep leaving him. How could you do that to someone who loves you so much?'

'Felicia, that's enough!' Peter said, raising his voice. 'Let him go, right now.'

Felicia did, looking at him with a fearful expression on her tear-stained face. Robin mirrored her expression of shock. Peter had never raised his voice like that before. David started crying too, so Peter quickly picked him up, comforting him.

'I-I'm sorry,' Felicia said, her lip quivering again. 'I'm sorry, Robin. But please don't leave us, please. I promise I won't tease daddy and you anymore. I promise I'll always listen to you. I will be a good girl. I don't care if you get mad at me or tell me "no". Just don't leave us.'

"Please dad, I- I will try, I promise. Just- just don't leave us."

The flashback grabbed Robin at his throat, taking his breath away. Those had been his words to his father, before he left. He sees his dad, hovering above him, an expression of disgust on his face before he kicked him away. The tears in his mother's eyes. He hears the door slam. His father never came back. Never. And no matter all the hurt he caused them, abandoning them was by far the worst he did.

But now, in the present, it was Felicia on that floor, crying out her heart to him, begging him to stay.

He was just like his dad.

It hit him like a truck. Peter noticed the change in his eyes. 'Felicia, take Dave and go to the living room,' he told the kid. 'I will handle it.'

Felicia nodded, wiping her tear and taking David's hand. 'Come, Davey,' she said in a broken voice. 'Let's play with your tack-oh.'

As soon as the door closed behind them, Robin sunk to the floor, his back against the door. He took his Valium bottle with shaking hands and tried to open it. Peter took it from him and helped him, giving him one pill, which Robin swallowed. His breathing was haphazard, he hid his face in his hands. 'I'm just like my dad,' he whispered.

'No, you're not,' Peter replied quietly. 'You're nothing like that *ssh*le. You didn't have to be here today, yet you were. You still care about us.'

'But I'm going to end up leaving you,' Robin whispered. 'You know that, right?'

'I know you won't,' Peter said. He took Robin's hand in his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs. 'And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever happened between us that Friday night. And I'm sorry for not remembering. But please, don't give up on the kids for my sake. They love you and I know how much you love them. I can try to stay away from you, if that's what you want. But don't break their hearts.'

'But what about yours?' Robin whispered.

'What do you mean?'

'If I stay, I will break your heart.'

'You could never,' Peter said. 'Not as long as you stay. I'm happy as long as you are. You don't have to talk to me, or be nice. Just don't leave, please.'

Robin's breathing had become regular again, but his tears were already falling. 'Okay,' he whispered. 'I will try.'

'Thank you,' Peter whispered, still rubbing the back of his hand. Despite the situation, Robin couldn't help but enjoy the warmth. Peter's hands were always warm. Even though it scared him, it was still comforting.

They sat there for a while until Robin had calmed down enough. He slipped his hand out of Peter's quietly and got up. So did the older. 'Are you okay?' he asked.

Robin nodded. 'I am, thank you.' He put his stuff on quickly before opening the door. One last time, he turned around, looking at Peter who stood there with a concerned, yet warm look on his face. He smiled at Robin. Robin didn't have the energy to smile back, but he felt his mood lighten a little bit. Only for a short while, because as soon as he drove out the street, the darkness was back.

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As soon as he got back to Alexander's apartment, the other noticed something was up. 'What happened?' he asked.

'Felicia is not fine,' Robin said, his voice breaking again. 'I can't leave them, Alex. I have to stay. But seeing Peter, it- it tore my heart apart. I can't take it anymore. And now I promised them that I would stay. There's no going back anymore. I have to stay, but it'll be so hard.'

'Still,' Alex said, tearing up a little. 'I envy you. I would give the world to be with the person I love right now.'

'But- I don't- I don't-'

'You can't even say it,' Alex said. 'There's no denying it, Robin. Everything you just said told me how much you love him. What are you so afraid of?'

'I'm terrified because- because he loves me back, Alex. He loves me back and I- I can't- it makes him too blind to see that I could never be enough for him.'

'But you are,' Alex said. 'You are more than enough. I've seen him enough to know that you mean the world to him, Robin. And he makes you happy, Robin. He made you happy at your birthday party and when he took you in. He took care of you while you were sick and was nothing but sweet of you when you came out. And you were so excited to go on that vacation with him. You were like a happy, little family. So what happened? Please, just talk to me. Stop trying to deal with it on your own, because it obviously isn't working.'

Robin bit his lip, choking back his tears. 'Okay,' he then said. 'Okay, I will tell you.'

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Bro when I tell you that writing this chapter broke me. I felt so bad for Felicia, especially when she started to talk about changing for him, just so he would stay. She just doesn't want to lose another loved one, but she doesn't understand how much her words hurt him. But maybe he needed that wake-up-call too.

This song has been in my playlist for a little longer now but I love it so much. So much talent and the piano sounds so anxious like the song. In one of my bigger books theres a character whose name is also Ethan - everyone's favourite so far - and they're really good at anything related to music. I kind of imagine this is how they would play the piano.

Anyways, gonna go to sleep now byii