dps one shots

this is me trying

pronouns: she/her

you could hear the faint sound of shoes running down your hall. it wasn't uncommon for boys to scamper past at weird hours in order to make it on time to class or rush to an off-campus date. you made note of their small conversations they thought were private.

you thought nothing of it while reading a book on your bed neil had lent to you. he made sure to annotate his favorite parts. after charlie and you's breakup, the support of a friend was necessary. it had been a rough few months. the group was in disarray. poets meetings were cut short, studying was nearly impossible without a fight. really anything was impossible without a fight. ever since his sloppy excuse for breaking up, you had avoided him at all costs. of course, it wasn't possible in a school like this.

you had skipped out on that afternoons assembly in the church. you figured it was about charlie's anonymously published reading from the dead poets society. you had walked out on that meeting the moment two girls showed up in the cave, but they all rushed to tell you afterwards.

the silent peace of the hallway finally gave you an opportunity to focus on your book. that was until you heard another pair of footsteps walking slowly near the end of the hall. silence barely ever happened, unless one of your friends had snuck someone in from ridgeway high. you attempted to ignore it until the footsteps approached your door and greeted themselves with a knock. you sighed as you forced yourself out of bed. you opened the door with wide eyes.

"i didn't know who else to go to."

charlie was standing at your door. his tie was loose, per usual. his eyes were glassy and red. you had never seen him cry. you never wanted to see him cry. you stood there in disbelief as he pushed past you.

you felt the words you never said sitting in your throat. they were practically pushing to leave, but nothing came out. charlie took a seat in your window. just like he used to do.

"everything okay?" you said casually, despite the underlying fear.

"neil will tell you. i can't talk about it anymore."

that was his answer for everything. he simply couldn't talk about it, or maybe he just chose not to. usually those words would be met with begging from you. instead, you laid down on your bed. you read your book as if nothing happened. charlie was never one to not talk about himself, but today he broke the habit. he sat in your window silently with a face that was difficult to read.

"i can't survive in this school."

"hm?" you turned to look at him.

"everybody wants me to be someone i'm not. i can't be as studious as neil or as kind as pitts. i'm not cut out for any of this."

you knew he was right, but giving into his anxiety would only make things worse. charlie wasn't made for welton. he wasn't made to be a banker. his brain was always chasing the next rush. you could see in his eyes that he was always unsatisfied. nothing ever fulfilled his wandering mind.

"charlie," you hesitated, "i'm sorry."

you attempted to let the words flow, but it wouldn't. the anger had built up. despite your hatred for his actions, you still looked at him with love. all you could do was apologize and hope he wouldn't screw up the silence with an inappropriate comment.

"i know that i'm not as smart as any of them. i've always known that. my parents have yelled at me over my C's and B's, but i'm more than that. if they would just listen to me then maybe, just maybe, i could do something great."

"most of the supposed 'greats' were doubted. socrates was arrested for corrupting the youth. now we discuss him in nearly every class, so i think you'll be okay." you let out an airy laugh.

"that's what i'm talking about, though. i didn't know that. i don't know anything about socrates or plato, or even the apple tree motherfucker. all i know is trouble. all i know is my next move. i would give anything to be like you."

you scoffed, "like me?"

he immediately left his place in the window. he paced around the room. he turned around to face you. you could see him choosing his next words carefully, which was something you'd never seen before. he was like a loaded gun, and he made sure people knew that.

"i never told you the real reason as to why i ended things. i didn't need to find myself. i didn't need to experience high school. it was bullshit."

"i figured." you crossed your arms. the anger began to rise the moment he opened his mouth.

"i'm not a bad person. you know that. i just make bad choices."

"also figured that."

"i really do love you, y/n. it's just," you could see the gears turning again, "i was embarrassed."

your mind began to race. charlie dalton was embarrassed. you could use a million words to describe charlie, but embarrassed wasn't one of them. he was always the first to speak and always the last to stop speaking.

"embarrassed? of what? of-of me?" you could feel your stomach drop at the thought.

"no. god, no. i wanted to show you off to anyone with a pulse. even those without one." he scoffed gently.

"then what was it?" your tone was snippy despite the underlying curiosity.

"look at me. i can't tie my own tie or keep a single stain off my shirt. i'm awful in school and even worse at staying focused on anything outside of it. i'm a wreck. a wreck who wasn't good enough for you."

you took a moment to take in what he had just said. you felt sympathy more than any emotion despite the underlying anger.

"don't i get to make the decision on whatever or not you're good enough for me?"

he stood there silently, unable to find a proper response.

"charlie, not once did i doubt your abilities. with every fault you supposedly have, there are one million other things i adore about you. you don't let anyone walk all over you. you hold those you love on the highest pedestal. you're by far the funniest person here. you don't need to be good in school in order to be good."

you finally stood up from your place on your bed. he stood there with tears in his eyes. he was so fragile, despite the facade he put up of strength. you held out your arms for a hug and he nearly trampled you as he ran into your open arms. he melted in your arms. just like he used to. you were gentle with him. you slowly made your way back to the bed. he found a comfortable spot, laying on top of your chest whilst you played with his hair.

"i missed you." he let out in between quiet sobs.

"i missed you more."