The Angel,The Devil,The Nerd

Chapter 52 - Abandoned

let me know what you think :)

CHAPTER 52 - ABANDONED

NATALIE'S POV

I was sitting in the café, corner booth next to the window, next to Chase, who was holding my hand, telling me it was going to be fine, while we waited for this man to arrive.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he ditched us." I muttered resentfully. He hasn't deigned to contact me in 21 years, I don't even understand why does he want to see me now. Actually, I don't even know how did he find me. Well, I do know he asked mom, but for no reason did she tell him, she didn't even tell me he'd contacted her at first.

Chase gently rubbed the back of my hand, to soothe me, of course. "If he does, it's his loss." He stated while his hand travelled up to my neck to caress it. Yeah, he does this soothing thing a lot ... and I like it, but sometimes it gets annoying, because sometimes he uses his psychologist techniques and I don't need that, I already have a therapist that does that, though I see her every three months since last year. Since I started dating Chase, to be precise.

You see, I didn't want to see a shrink, but my cousin insisted, saying there was this friend of his and she was great and everything. I kept saying I didn't need a damn shrink, my problem couldn't be solved like that. I don't have some worrying complex, even if Dr. Lambert says part of my issues are due to my biological father abandoning me when I wasn't even born.

When I started seeing her, it was only because I could barely keep enough of a façade to look fine while inside I was dying, which is why my cousin insisted. I decided I'd follow his tip when, that one time too many that he offered to introduce me to his friend the psychologist, I snapped at him too, yelling that I had no issues to be solved but one, and that one could be dealt with in one way only, which was never going to happen.

The only solution to my malaise was the return of who caused it, I yelled at my cousin. Only if my heart came back I could be fine again, but no, that wasn't going to happen because if he was nowhere to be found, he was no more in this world, so only by doing something extreme I could get over such malaise, because only by being reunited with that same person would save me, and since he wasn't in this world anymore.

That had him force me to see this therapist. I was more than brushing the limit, I was deep down the gutter and only with some help I could get over it. I knew that letting myself die for love was stupid, but I couldn't even feel my heart anymore, I couldn't even live. How do you live without your heart? My heart was and still is there with him, I told you. So I couldn't go on.

Those were the very first months after I found that note. Jake forced me to see this therapist and, like every shrink, she analyzed me and said that my deep pain was also due to my boyfriend being another important person in my life abandoning me, namely, it all started with Landon Pierce, my biological father, leaving me without even wanting to see me. She said I felt like everybody abandoned me, that it's easy to seek in a boyfriend the father figure you've lacked of, so it was obvious that I saw Eric abandoning me as a double blow.

I would have wanted to retort that my stupid biological father had nothing to do with it. I just lost the person I loved more than anything else in the whole universe, it was obvious to feel like shit, but I kept my mouth shut, feeling so empty inside that even talking was useless. They couldn't understand me, so why should I waste my time?

As months and therapy sessions went by, I started feeling a little better, well, no, I still felt like shit, but at least I started fighting a bit more. Be it only because Kyle repeated me that his brother wouldn't have wanted me to throw everything away for him. Live your life. He said. Forget me. How stupid of him to ever think I could forget him. How could he ever think I'd be better off without him?