Sketches

14. Something New

Josiah

Baring folded his legs and leaned his back against my bed. He tilted his head to the left and smiled, "Explain it to me, how does it work?"

I looked away, hiding the blush that was on my face. Explain it? How? I didn't fully understand it myself. So how could I explain something I didn't understand. Baring reached for my hand. His fingers slipped between the spaces of mine. I watched his hand curl up in my palm.

He wanted me to explain how I talked sometimes. It wasn't like I didn't know how that happened. I just didn't fully grasp the concept. I leaned into his shoulder smelling my shower gel on him. He had taken the chance to shower as soon as we got to my room, something about being presentable to my parents.

Now he was dressed in my clothes, smelling like me and asking me about how I was who I was. There was no way this was real. How could it be? The guy I always watched from afar was in my bedroom, wearing my clothes and holding my hand. There was no way that was a thing.

I looked up at his face and tried for a smile. He returned my smile with one of his rare soft smiles. My heart did a summersault, reminding me that this was real. I looked down at our entwined hands and back at his smile again.

"I want to understand," He whispered.

My room wasn't totally soundproof, so I could hear Jessica and Jacob screaming downstairs. But besides that, I couldn't hear anything else except my heartbeat and Daniel's words.

I exhaled slowly and took in the soft smile on his face. Daniel was looking at me. Directly staring at me like I was about to say the most important thing in the world. My breath hitched and I looked away. The thrum of my heart rose until a loud thumping sound filled my ears. I couldn't think straight, not with the way Daniel was gazing at me. His hand squeezed mine and my heart did another leap.

"It's ok. You can do it." He whispered, rubbing circles over my wrist.

He smiled and then winked at me like a dork. And because I am easy, that broke the spell and I laughed. Despite the tight ring squeezing me around my chest words tumbled out of my mouth. Words I wasn't sure made any sense.

"My mother's dead," I said.

Baring looked confused and then he glanced at the closed door.

"Um no that's she...is." I didn't want to tell him that's my father's wife because that would seem insensitive and rude. I glanced at the door trying to figure out what to say, "Um the lady downstairs is... She ... well. She is my stepmother. My biological mother is dead."

Daniel didn't say anything. But his hand never stopped rubbing circles over my wrist. I wasn't sure what to do because everyone always seemed to say sorry for your loss at that point. But Daniel didn't say anything. So I continued speaking.

"So like...I am shy." I said going off on a tangent. Daniel didn't say anything either but he still looked at me like he was paying attention, "It takes me some time to get...you know."

I snatched my hand from his wrist and gestured vaguely into the air. Baring smiled softly and raised an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes, "Comfortable...It's not only that. And it's not like I don't try. I do. I do try but my body locks me in. And that's how it happens. I am not like everyone else. I mean I try, really. I try to be normal but I am not."

Baring took my hand in his again. He slowly rubbed soothing circles on my wrist and the tension left my body again.

"I just. I don't want people to misunderstand me. And if I talk to more than three people at once they might. How can I tell if they understand me if I can't focus on one person at a time? And what if the wrong person ends up with the wrong message. I just need to know the right people understand what I mean. So I can talk to people. Do you understand?"