Sketches

33. Rubble & Ash

Josiah

By the time I am settled in the car the sky is overcast as clouds loom above us. It's not common around this time of the season but stranger things have happened. With my eraser gripped between hands I sunk into the passenger seat. Kennedy was driving me home a rare occurrence in our house since she hated driving, despite her being a better driver than her twin. I twisted the radio knob trying to find a decent station, after several twists I settled for some weird station that seemed to be playing songs made decades before I was born.

A small smile snuck its way onto the corner of my lips as I remembered Baring sharing his music with me. The joy of the memory was short lived because despite all the good times and things we had all our memories were now shrouded in uncertainty and questions. I reduced the volume on the radio until it was barely recognisable, filling the car with the faintest sound.

"Hey, Kennedy," I flipped the eraser in my hands.

"Mmm,"

I thumbed the edges of the eraser, whispering, "You think we can stop by my old house?"

Kennedy didn't reply immediately. Instead, she drummed her thumb against the steering wheel and looked at me through the gap in the corner of her shades. It was an unreasonable request and I knew that. My old house was practically in the next town over and driving there would take us at least an hour. Which didn't make sense, because we would be driving just to see a pile of rubble before coming back but I needed to see it. I needed to remember what it was like. I needed to know what was left.

I thought about repeating myself but instead I said, "Forget it. It's not that big of a deal." 

"We can go..." Kennedy's words hung heavy between us clearly bearing the weight of a but that was unspoken.

"But what?" I asked. I couldn't handle another reason to keep me on edge. My skin was already cold from all the fraid emotions that were stripping me of my warmth.

"Not sure if it's. the right thing to do," She glanced at me long enough for our eyes to meet.

I scoffed and looked away from her profile. Kennedy didn't get it both her parents were still present. Her house was still the same one she had lived in since she was born and she didn't have to worry about ‘doing the right thing’, "Look, I have been trying to do the right thing all day, ok! I sat through Baring's story, I sat through Dr Gertrude's analysis and I even walked out of that session without doing anything ‘disruptive’. If anything I earned this one thing. I think I deserve to make one selfish decision today. Even one as ill advised as this one. Don't you think?"

Kennedy sighed. With her eyes still trained on the road her grip tightened just a smidge on the steering wheel,"It might trigger you Jos," And that was the problem wasn't it. Baring hadn't said anything to me because ‘it might make me sad’ and now Kennedy was planning on making decisions for me so they couldn't ‘trigger me’.

She continued, words cutting through my thoughts, "You haven't had severe nightmares in a while and with everything going on with...Daniel and the session. I don't want to add anything else that could bring them back. I know Killian is usually the overprotective one but I also care about you and I..."

I pushed the heel of my palm against my left temple, "If you don't want to take me you don't have to. I can take the bus."

"That's not what I said," Kennedy gripped the steering wheel, jerking the car to a stop next to a no parking sign.

I ignored her stare for the red brick wall that was right outside my window. The idea of taking a bus made my heart race not because of the bus but because it meant I would have to go there alone. I was willing to go there alone but I was hoping I wouldn't have to. If Kennedy refused I had to do it, no point in throwing a fit about it. To prove her wrong or prove myself right, I dragged my gaze from the wall outside meeting her steady gaze. I stared at her waiting for her to say whatever it was she had to say.