Sketches

32. Feelings that were

Baring

The short three-story, grey building loomed over me, casting a large ominous shadow all around me. I gripped the edges of my leather jacket, straightening it to avoid shifting my weight. It didn't work. I pulled at the zipper trying to ease the cold, heavyweight lodged within my stomach. I dropped the zipper and swayed my keys around my finger, with a small somewhat invisible drop of courage I took a step towards the entrance.

This was a bad idea. There was no doubt in my mind that what I was about to do was not going to end well. But despite all the foreboding signs I took another step closer. This was my retribution and like every villain in every story, villains eventually face their retribution and as fate had it I was not an exception. With my eyes cast over my shoelaces, I pushed through the invisible block that was mentally telling me to go back in my car and drive off.

The door before me swung forcefully with an annoying crack and bang yanking my attention towards it. I watched as a short girl in an oversized hoodie and bright pink hair walked out of the building. Her eyes met mine and she frowned, seemingly annoyed by my presence. I instinctively took a step back stepping away from her in case she decided to come back.

With my mind still playing with the idea of escaping into my car, I took one last glance towards the red mustang parked on the curb. I could have just jumped in and drove off. Out of town, away from here, away from everything. But the idea of leaving Josiah behind made me want to hurl, instead I stepped through the glass doors before me.

I couldn't leave him behind. Not now, not when I was starting to understand just how much he meant to me. And definitely not without him having heard me. I wrapped my fingers around the phone in my pocket, squeezing it tightly when I remembered I couldn't call Kol. We hadn't spoken since I had left him at school. Of course that didn't mean he didn't try to text me. His texts never apologised for what he did, instead he apologised for talking about it too soon and as much as I wanted to agree with him I couldn't because he was the reason Josiah wasn't talking to me now. And so we hadn't spoken to each other and he hadn't sent another text since his last one.

I walked past the waiting room looking over the other four kids sitting apart from each other. One kid was biting his nails as his leg jumped up and down in one place. I looked away, noticing a girl sitting at the end of the room, eyes following me as I moved further into the room. Her lips twisted into a smile but it didn't feel right. Feeling sufficiently rattled I looked away without even looking over the other two kids.

An unfamiliar feeling crawled up my arms as I stood before the receptionist's desk. A small, blonde-haired woman with a high pitched voice glanced up at me as she asked, "Can I help you?"

The receptionist looked at me as if seeing through me and for the first time in a very very long time, I felt like I was in a place I didn't belong. The now-familiar feeling of dread weaved its way through me causing my heartbeat to pick up its pace.

With my hand still gripping my phone with my jacket pocket I smiled, "Hello. I am here to see Dr Getrude."

"Name,"

"Bar..." I rubbed my hand over my hair, "Daniel Baring. She said I was invited for a joint session?"

"Daniel Baring." She repeated.

"Yes."

"Ok, Please take a seat. Someone will be here to collect you."

I smiled at the lady turning to face the chairs. With my heartbeat rising steadily, I made my way towards an empty chair in the corner of the room. With a small sigh I pulled out my phone, Caspian had sent me a message. Something about missing out on the experience of a lifetime. The message was followed by a picture of Henri covered from head to toe in mud. And even as he stood in the centre of what seemed to be a trench he was smiling. He was all teeth and mud and he had his left hand swung over an equally muddy Caspian and his right hand gripped tightly onto a helmet. The same helmet he was using to push Jan out of the picture. Good for Henri I thought as I locked my phone before slipping it back into my pocket.