The Trouble Toddler

Chapter 30: self destruction

Peter p.o.v

With my head hung low I sat in the car. I had to let Michael drive as I was incapable of doing it myself. I felt empty. I did not have enough time to say goodbye to my little girl. I wanted to hold her just a bit longer, just a minute longer.

Thinking of Lexi made me turn around to check the backseat, like I always did when we were in the car. To check up on her. Now I was met with her empty car seat. Another wave of sadness washed over me.

I again looked down at my lap. I wanted to block myself from the outside world. The world had only hurt me the last couple of months, I did not want to be a part of it anymore.

I looked up when Michael shook my shoulder, "Little brother, we are home." He said in a low voice. With hunched shoulders I left the car.

When we entered the living room everything reminded me of Lexi. Her playpen, her toys on the rug, her sippy cup on the coffee table. Heading towards the kitchen did not make things better. There was her highchair, a colouring book and a doll.

I went to my bedroom, but to go there I had to pass Lexi's room. I stood in front of her door. Opening the door, I entered her room. It still smelled like her in here. I went to her crib and put my hand on the bars.

That's when I could not hold myself together. I dropped to my knees and cried. I had just lost the two most important people of my life. I sobbed. Clutching my hands around a stuffed animal. I wanted my little girl so badly in my arms.

Lexi p.o.v

I missed daddy. He was not here with mommy. I missed mommy too, but now I wanted daddy. Mommy said I had a new room. A man I did not know held me on his hip. I was okay with that because he knows mommy. We went into a big house; it was really big.

They showed me the new room. It was nice, but not nice as my old room. "Where daddy?" I asked.

"He is not here, darling. You will live now with mommy and your new daddy, Zander." Mommy said while pointing at the man who held me.

"He is not daddy." The man did not look like my daddy, so he is not my daddy.

"Yes, I'm love. I will be your daddy from now on." The man said.

"No! You not daddy! I want daddy!" I missed my daddy. I only wanted him, not this man.

Mommy looked mad. "Lexi, he will be your daddy, that's final. Now how about we watch your favourite movie, the Lion King?"

"Mulan." I muttered. I still wanted my real daddy. Where was my daddy?

Peter p.o.v

As I was kneeling on the floor of my little girl, I heard someone entering. I did not need to look up to know who was with me, Michael. He squatted down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "One week." I look up at him confused.

"One week of self destruction. One week of not eating or overeating, of screaming, of sleeping or not, of cursing, of crying, I will allow. After that one week you need to pick up the pieces of your broken self. And when you have done that you can concern yourself with getting Lexi back. In the meantime, I will talk to your lawyer and when you are healed enough, we are ready to fight. I promise you; we are getting Lexi back."

I nodded my head at his suggestion. He sat next to me on the floor and I leant to his side. He put his arm around my shoulder, and I rested my head against him. I cried in the arms of my brother, just like he did after Lily's death.

That day I locked myself up in my office. I did not want to be confronted by Lexi's stuff. Michael had come by once to tell me he had dinner ready. I was not feeling hungry, so I politely declined.

When I came in the living room later that evening, I saw Michael had cleaned up the place. He did not get rid of all the stuff of Lexi, but organised so it was not everywhere. Lexi's toys were all stuffed in her playpen and the highchair in the kitchen was standing next to the wall, no longer next to the dining table.

I was glad he did that. This way it looked like Lexi was only temporary away.

The week went slowly by. I slept for a long period of time and when I woke up, I would just sit somewhere in the house and not move from my spot. When I felt like it, I ate something. In the evening I would get a good amount of alcohol in my system. That would knock me out and I would be asleep for a long time.

After a week I was not ready to face life, but my brother did not let this self destruction last any longer. He would send me to bed, wake me up in the morning. He told me to get a shower and come down for breakfast. After we had that he told me I could do something what I wanted. When lunch was ready, I was once again called. I could not decline any meal. I had to eat everything Michael made. In the afternoon we would clean something or would do some groceries. He said it would help to get my mind of things. The day would end with dinner and watching a movie together and alcohol was strictly forbidden. Michael did not want me to get the same problem as he had a couple of years ago.

First, I thought it would not work, but after a week of this strict schedule I felt indeed refreshed and a bit better. Nonetheless I still missed my little girl.

We were watching a movie as we had just finished dinner. "How did you know this would work?" I asked at my big brother.

"Mom did the same thing for me after Lily passed away." Michael answered, but did not face me. It was probably still hard for him to talk about her.

"Well, mom always knew how to deal with people's emotions." I mused. "Yes, indeed." 

A/N: the end is nearing! How do you think this story will end? 

Thanks for reading and stay safe!