MIA'S P.O.V
The thought of Axel touching another girl makes my head throb and my heart bleed. I'm falling for him and I can't seem to be able to catch myself. The thing that bothers me the most is that he's right.
I'm weak. I'm scared.
I'm a girl falling in love while at the same time falling out of love with two different boys. A boy that I've known for what feels like my entire life and a boy that came into my life a few months ago and awaken feelings in me that went to sleep for a long time.
Two boys that are trying, one to keep me his and the other to make me his.
It's not easy to break things off with someone you've known and loved for so long. With someone that you travel the country with, spent holidays with, slept with, went out on dates with, cuddle on the sofa while watching a movie. With someone, you waken up to for the past 2 years. Someone you argue and fought and make-up, kiss and make-out with. Have sex with, even if it wasn't 100% satisfying all the time.
It's also not easy to fall in love with someone when you're already in a relationship. With someone, you spent almost every day hanging out with and pays attention to what you're saying. With someone you experience ice skating for the first time and who held you afraid you might fall. With someone that makes you cry out of laughter and buys you food. With someone, you can talk about your problems. Someone that makes love to you with their eyes and who ignites a fire in you and lets you burn. Someone that has the balls to say what he's feeling out loud.
A lot of the time I found myself imagining how it would be like to be with Axel. Would we fight all the time? Will we sit down and discuss our problems? Will he run away when things get hard? Will things be better with him or worse?
Axel is unknown territory to me just like love is for him.
On the other hand, Carter and I have been through our ups and downs, I know that things could get better. The big question here is, can you fall back in love with someone? Or once you're out, you're out?
Carter is sweet, a true gentleman that knows how to party. A smart guy with sparks of wildness. He can be both a good boy and a bad boy. The bad thing about him is that he doesn't really pay attention to details and doesn't like talking out loud about his problems.
Axel is playful, sarcastic and precious. A hard-working guy with a rough childhood. He can be both a good guy and a bad boy just like Carter. The bad thing about him is that he doesn't let people in. He doesn't give them the chance to love him.
The more I think about them, the crazier I feel like I'm getting.
Love is a complex feeling. It can be beautiful but it can also be disastrous.
Is it worth it?
Depends on who is on the receiving end.
My heart draws me towards Axel but my mind shouts Carter at me.
The sharp ringing noise from the speakers pulls me out of my thoughts. I drop my head on the table, closing my eyes, trying to swim in the darkness. Just one more hour and then I can go home. Is it my home though? I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore!
I was sitting alone at the back since Maya was nowhere to be seen, she didn't say anything about not coming today. I texted her before our lecture started and she said to me that she'll be late but she'll come. Where the hell is she?
Tap on the shoulder instantly bring me back into a sitting position to see Maya smiling creepily might I add to me.
"Jesus Maya! Where were you?" I whisper shout.
"Sorry but I've taken on a new job today, " she whispers close to my ear.
"What job?" I ask.
"Being Axel's messenger. You're welcome!" she gives me a baby pink rose and a piece of paper with Axels writing on it.
I twirl carefully the rose in my hand before putting it aside and putting all my attention towards the white thick paper in my other hand.
"Since it bothered you listening to my feelings, I'll write a few things down for you. I love your laughter. It's refreshing to hear a pleasant melody like that instead of yells of anger. I especially love it when I'm the one making you laugh. I want to make you laugh to the point where you have tears streaming down. To the point where you're clutching your stomach cause it hurts. The pleasant type of pain though. Cause as in actual pain I never want to see you in. I love how you throw your head back before letting out that sweet melody play.
-Axel"
Why must it be so hard to choose? Why am I making it so hard? Why is he making it so difficult? Why is he been romantic all of a sudden? Why did he fall in love with me? Why not someone else? Why am I falling for him? Why did I stop being in love with my boyfriend? So many questions about why.
"If I was you. I'll say I have the answer in my hands," Maya says while pointing at the note Axel wrote for me.
"I feel bad. I feel like I'm leading Axel on and that I'm betraying Carter. I don't know if I'm falling for Axel or if I'm just sexually attracted to him because he can give me something that is currently missing from my relationship. I don't know if I can fall in love with Carter again. I don't know how to feel," I whisper as tears run down my face.
I don't care if anyone sees me like this. Maya helps me wipe my tears away and runs her hand up and down my back.
"It's not that easy, " I whisper.
"I know...I know and I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes right now, " she grabs my hand and gives me a strong squeeze.
"Some people would think that this is amazing having two guys fighting for you, but it's really not. This isn't exciting, this is painful cause I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know that I will," I put the note into the hidden pocket in my bag.
"I know you don't but in the end, you'll have to, " Maya says.
I touch the soft petals of the rose. So soft, so beautiful and innocent.
"Hey, why don't we go out for drinks with Nadia? Just us, a girls night out! What do you say we can go tomorrow night, " Maya says trying to lift up my mood.
"Yeah, sure it's been a while since we all hanged out together. I need it!" I chuckle.
"Great! I'll text Nadia, " she grabs her phone and taps furiously on the glass screen.
I bring the rose to my nose and close my eyes. Roses don't really smell of anything to me but I found myself smelling them regardless.
I'm fucked and not in a nice way.
A/N
Hey guys, looks like Mia let us in on some of her thoughts!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter a second one is coming later on today!
Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️
I hope you have a nice day/night! Xx
All the love - M ❤️
YOU ARE READING
Axel
Romance"You don't like it rough?" he asks me. Oh, okay, I smirk back at him, two can play this game. "I like it... but only during sex, " I say to him watching as his smirk drops and eyes widen just for a split second. "What? Didn't expect that?" I ask...
