KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

42 ; KIBA

Things hadn't been easier for me the next few days. Although the members had been taking it easy on me, I was still depressed, and it had started to take its toll on me mentally. I just couldn't focus on anything. 

I guess because of it all, I got distant. I always did this - as a soloist, I spent nearly every minute alone. I talked to my producer a few times a week, but other than that. I wrote alone, performed alone and done my own thing. All the people I had to interact with were just blurry faces to me. It was getting like that again.

I was practising for Kingdom alone in the practise room. We had sung the arranged version a few days ago, and we had been practising and coming up with ideas for the past few weeks. I hope to make BTOB proud, but I was finding it difficult to perform the high note at the end. It was supposed to be Seungmin's note to do with Han, but he said he wasn't confident to do the ending.

I had stepped up because I wanted to keep myself busy with things, so I don't slip into my old ways. I had the music in the background, and the final part was happening - I know I could do it; I reached the note in the studio. I took a deep breath in before executing the note almost perfectly. I hit it, but I needed to maintain it for longer.

I was getting bored of practising. I decided to go find a member of staff and ask to borrow their phone so I could go live and speak to some Stays. They agreed thankfully so I took their phone back to the practise room and set it up so everyone could see me. I could've used my own phone but I lacked the energy to charge it last night, so it was surviving on 20%.

"Hello everyone!" I said in English - I decided to speak English this live just in case any staff came in or were watching. I just wanted everyone out of my business.

'KIBAAA I LOVE YOU'

'AH KIBA HELLO!'

'ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH THIS LIVE?'

"Hello everyone. Yeah, I'm going to be speaking English for this one." I said with a tired smile. Looking at myself, I can't believe I'm letting people look at me. I was sweaty and kind of red in the cheeks.

'What are you doing????'

'SPILL TEA FROM KINGDOM.'

"What am I doing?" I looked around and shrugged, "I was practising for Kingdom. Should I do some karaoke?"

I read through hundreds of stays messages and comments. Tons of Yes' were rolling through chat and a lot of hearts too. I stood up and took the staffs phone to a different floor, hopefully I don't get told off because I'm not sure if I can show much of the building. I walked into a small room where there was a keyboard and a little karaoke machine with a good microphone.

"What songs do you want to hear?" I asked Stays from behind my screen.

'THE ONE YOUR SINGING FOR KINGDOM!'

'Blood Sweat and Tears!!!!'

I saw a lot of BTS songs requested so I decided to switch on the karaoke thing and hook it up, so the lyrics were in time on the big screen. I started singing 'Blood Sweat & Tears' by BTS. It was a good song, I really liked it.

I immediately felt better talking to stays and my fans. I just felt no burden when I talked to them and performing for them was always fun no matter the situation. I was regaining lost energy just by singing to them and rapping to them. After that song, I sang 'FAKE LOVE' and then I got requested to do some SKZ songs. I performed 'SLUMP' Eng. version and a lot more.

I also spoiled a song I had written. I only rapped 3 lines of it but I wasn't sure if it would be used for anything, so I didn't spoil all of it.

"Okay, this phone is about to die and it's a staff's so I should probably go give it back." I chuckled, "Thanks for sticking around guys. It's been a bit hard for me lately so thanks for making my day better."

'AW WE LOVE YOU'

'ARE YOU OKAY?'

'YOU MAKE OUR DAY BETTER TOO!!!'

"Yeah, I'm okay." I lied, "Just a bit overwhelmed recently. Thank you for listening to me sing and stuff, love you."

I ended the live quickly with a final smile and wave. I picked up the phone, the sudden urge to cry but I pushed it away and took the phone back to the staff member. Afterwards, I went back to practising for a few more hours. It was a Sunday which is why no one was here with me. I guess I lost track of time.

"Hey, come home." I heard as I finished trying the high note again and I eventually figured out how to maintain it for a longer time. I turned to see Seungmin at the door.

"I'm practising." I said as I looked at him. He was standing like he was forced to be here to take me home. I drove here...

"You've been practising for ages; Chan wants you home." Seungmin said as he walked further into the room and turned the music off.

"I'm practising." I finalised, before I walked over and turned the music back on. Seungmin has been the only member not giving me an easy time, in fact, he's probably been more troubling since I broke down. I heard him huff.

"Why do we fight so much?" He asked, and I shrugged as I did some choreo in head, "Kiba, you said you wanted to talk..."

"Yeah, before I had a midlife crisis Seungmin." I turned to him, and his eyes for once were showing some mercy.

"Let's talk, please." He pleaded, and how was I meant to say no to that?

The music had been turned off for good now, and there's was nothing to eat up the tension but the silence. We were sitting crossed legged on the hard floor. I couldn't look at him, so the floor became interesting.