KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

43 ; KIBA

The floor was cream coloured but little rocks were wedged in to make some sort of colour and pattern. Seungmin was looking at the floor and picking at it too. I'm not speaking first, fuck that.

"How have you been?" He started, and I looked up at him incredulous. Was he seriously asking how I've been?

"Fucking shit." I told the truth for once.

He nodded carefully, "Are you okay after the other day?" 

He was talking about the time Chan made me step outside and talk to him. I wonder how much the others saw or heard? Were they aware of how much I cried or what had been happening to me? Had Chan told them about me and Seungmin?

"I felt better after crying." I shrugged, not only is this super awkward but my eyes were red because we were talking about me crying which is not exactly comfortable to me.

"Can I know what happened?" Seungmin asked, and I sighed.

"I just was overwhelmed by everything." I said, "My parents threatened me." 

"Huh?" He looked up his eyes wide with shock, "Threatened?"

"Yeah." I chuckled awkwardly, "Something about them wanting me to come home and if I didn't then something about how there would be consequences. Chan said he'd sort it out for me."

"Oh..." He continued, "You've been pretty close to Chan recently..."

For some reason, I felt panic and felt like I should be proving myself or something. I hated that I still missed him and wanted to protect us like that.

"Oh um, no not really. I just...he's been taking care of me." I reasoned as I looked at him and he nodded slowly.

"Right..."

"Just because he babies me, I like it because it makes me feel safe so..." God, could I put it anymore weirdly?

"Do you like him?" Seungmin asks suddenly, and our eyes locked before I looked away.

"No." I mumbled. Then, more silence overtook the room as I fiddled with my fingers.

"Kiba?" I looked up at Seungmin and I nodded to show I was listening, "I miss you."

I felt the room spin and come to an abrupt stop when he spoke those words. It was as if every ounce of cold in my body was kind of replaced with a new sense of warmth from him. Everything I had so recklessly thrown away wasn't so far away. All the troubles I had about missing him were reciprocated and he felt the same sense of loss. I was relieved but all those moments of ignoring each other were replaying slightly. I didn't want to ruin the small amount of progress we had just made.

"Do you miss me too?" He asked, and I was still trying to get to grip to this revelation. 

"Miss you...God you have no idea." I expressed, "I've missed the hell out of you and I don't deserve to miss you because I was the one to stupidly end things."

He nodded with a frown.

"I'm so sorry Seungmin. The shit I've put you through, you don't deserve it." I said, "I've treated you horribly and I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. The best thing I can do for you, is honestly leave you alone."

"Leave me alone?" He mumbled confused.

"I've been watching you and you honestly seem to be doing better without me Minnie." I said and he looked back up at me with tears in his eyes, "Seungmin?"

"You're so oblivious!" He said with a cold chuckle, "I've spent every night wishing you were beside me again. Every night I dream none of this happened and we were happy like before. I wish you would stop being selfish and actually look at me."

Selfish? Was I only focused on myself to not noticed how bad it's been for him? I took a good look at him - his eyes were red and had bags underneath. He was a little slimmer like me, and his lips were cracked. His hair was more dishevelled and messier. He was right, my depression made me selfish.

"I want you back so bad it hurts." He finished and I could only look at him as he was pleading with his eyes.

"But I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you anymore." I whispered out to him, and he shuffled closer to me so our knees were touching.

"You did hurt me, but I ignored you first. I should've talked to you instead of giving you a stupid silent treatment. I should've taken better care of you as well." He said, "We've both been stupid, but me first."

"I know I'm hard to take care of." I mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"Even then, you take care of me more than I do of you. I should be sorry." Seungmin stated, and I nodded even if I didn't agree completely.

"You're my first relationship you know?" I told him, and he looked at me with a small smile.

"Your mine too." Seungmin confessed and a cheeky smile lit up my face, "Which is why we'll make mistakes, but you can't just end the relationship thinking it'll be better like that okay?"

"Okay." I said, and Seungmin reached out and grabbed hold of my hand. His was super warm so I gripped onto it tightly.

"So...what now?" He whispered out as his thumb stroked over my finger softly, including my recovering pinkie which no longer hurt that much.

"I think we start over. We're friends again, but as soon as both of us are ready, I would like to try a relationship again." I stated confidently.

I looked at Seungmin who had got rid of his teary eyes, and he smiled brightly at my suggestion. It was contagious and I found myself smiling as well. The atmosphere was no longer filled with tension but instead a comfortable cheerfulness. A cheerfulness that made us both look forward to the future and what it had in store for us.