Patience

5/3/18- revisions

Last night, before you left,
I sat awake thinking of your touch.
The feeling of your hand on my hip,
Gently resting, not restricting, barely demanding but calming, reassuring.
That's just that...

Last night, after i wrapped the blanket,
I listened to the sweet purr of your kitty.
Whispering little love letters up to my cheeks,
Loving that I wont stop but hating that I have this amount of power over his body.
I felt the same in you...

Last night, when you walked in,
Your energy shook my bones-- i'd never seen you so trapped.
Your wings were glowing scabbed tarnish and bleed polite rage,
My first aid kit was no where to be found.
A love for pizza couldnt satiate your thrashing soul,
I wished you screamed...

Last night, while you slept,
I listened like that of a new mother-- her few hours old babies next to her skin.
I wanted to hold your head in my lap,
But i pet your back instead.
Any kind of way I knew,
To get my agitated back to sleep.

Last night, after sleep found me,
I dreamt of Kenai Kona--I saw his face.
Never have I had such a vivid dream as this,
My baby boy smiling and laughing.
Skin like dark peanut butter,
Big wide eyes of sweet chocolate,
Head full of soft brown curls in a short cut afro,
I caught a glimpse of him.
Then jumped back to my first moment with him in my arms,
He came to us before first light touched.
You sleeping next to me,
Snoring as you do.
Kenai quietly stirring making those alien baby sounds, eyes too swollen to open.
I lean down and smell him,
He smelled like you do.

This morning, when I woke before you did,
I rolled over to your face resting where my hair wouldve been-- I smiled.
Your hair stood straight up, I noted,
Swaying with your breath.
I smoothed them down and touched your cheek,
Your charm and prose, poking through that porceline jaw line.
Poetic lines with so much to shout, no scream...no whisper,
Without intention to create fear but develop a slight curiousity...intense mystery that comes with loving a man like you.

Today, I am writing about you,
To you,
But you...probably won't ever read this.