Besabriyaan

Chapter 44

perturbation

/ˌpəːtəˈbeɪʃ(ə)n/

Origin

Late Middle English: from Latin perturbatio(n-), from the verb perturbare 'disturb greatly'

NOUN

1  [mass noun] Anxiety; mental uneasiness.

'she sensed her friend's perturbation'More example sentencesSynonyms. 1.1 [count noun] A cause of anxiety or uneasiness.'Frank's atheism was more than a perturbation to Michael'More example sentences

2  A deviation of a system, moving object, or process from its regular or normal state or path, caused by an outside influence.

'these shifts and swings in wildlife populations are possibly related to climatic perturbations'

  2.1  Astronomy A minor deviation in the course of a celestial body, caused by the         attraction of a neighbouring body.

There was a tenseness to my muscles that made me more like a mannequin than a woman of flesh and bone. I, so wanted to dissolve into the ground yet my brain was a violent whirl of stupidity, trying to organise the chaos in my life. High above was an eagle; the sultry air being beaten by colossal black feathers, darker even than one would like it to be.

I shuddered somewhat seeing Randhir step out of his car and in the next moment, I knew he was  highly intoxicated because there wasn't a single step he took without losing balance. Wrapping arms around my waist, I kept watching his every step; rerunning every conversation in my mind that we last had. He wasn't only bringing back those harsh words he said to me that haunted me for a long time but also flashes of that unfortunate night when I was this close to losing the man I ever loved.

In order to make sure Manik wasn't covered in blood like that time, I turned my head a little and there he was standing by his car holding his position but unlike me, his eyes weren't meeting my worried ones. As if, he had a thousand things going inside when his fretful eyes were watching Randhir trip closer to me.

Why were we both so afraid? Of what? Why did it seem he was afraid of losing me when he himself wasn't mine? Why was I afraid of him being afraid of losing me when I knew I had nowhere else to call my home? Why were we so timorous? And, why couldn't we just be a little more brave and read the answers in another's eyes? Maybe, he was timid that he would read something he was hesitant to and I, skeptic that I would read nothing at all.

Here, I was standing in the middle of two important men in my life who hated one another; worries dwelling in both pair of eyes. I let out a jagged breath when I felt Randhir have inched quite closer and his intoxicated breath was ruffling my senses.

"Nandini...." He stretched his arms, white sleeves rolled till his elbows and I stood rooted lowering my eyes. As per the situation, I anticipated him to engulf me in his embrace not knowing what was I supposed to do next but it was weird when few seconds passed and I was untouched.

Muddled, I opened my eyes which travelled to an irritated Randhir standing with his arms still stretched gaping at his abdomen and as my eyes followed his, I found Manik's palm there keeping the drunken man a slight away from me.

"Are you going to keep me away from her?" A very irritated Randhir questioned a very calm Manik.

"Especially when you are this wasted." He replied, poised.

"Nandini?.." Randhir asked helplessly as I looked down at my feet "Are you going to need someone to have yourself protected from me? Me, out of all the people? D-do you think I can ever harm you?" I felt a sudden guilt in my chest. He was there for me every time. Every time, when this city gave me nothing but pain and he was the only friend sitting silently beside wiping away my tears.